tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post6412629809122514254..comments2023-10-17T05:01:42.650-04:00Comments on Abandoning Eden: Happy Erev Christmas!Abandoning Edenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-91306649012495877352009-12-28T18:26:17.406-05:002009-12-28T18:26:17.406-05:00J how is it selfish to celebrate a holiday? I'...J how is it selfish to celebrate a holiday? I'm not hurting anyone as far as I can tell. What exactly is your problem here?Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-2432554337028993922009-12-27T22:29:31.732-05:002009-12-27T22:29:31.732-05:00I think your participation in christmas shows your...I think your participation in christmas shows your selfishness. you celebrate the part you like (presets, meals, tree) but ignore the fact that christmas is the day all observing christians remember the birth of jesus.Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16925539992167984745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-48841637234299909912009-12-27T18:23:51.267-05:002009-12-27T18:23:51.267-05:00christmas is a religious holiday for some and a cu...christmas is a religious holiday for some and a cultural holiday for others (or both). The way in which I celebrate does not involve religion in any way- we go to visit my in-laws, have a couple of fancy family meals together, set up a tree with some ornaments, and exchange gifts. In past years my inlaws have gone to christmas mass (without me and my husband) but this year they didn't even do that. At no point during dinner or at any other part of christmas was jesus or Christianity or any religion mentioned. <br /><br />I see no problem in celebrating my husband's family tradition of getting together on this day, having a fancy meal together, and giving each other presents. If christmas is religious for some, well, who cares? I ate some latkes on chanukah, but I wouldn't call that 'religious' either.Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-88615019149489104212009-12-26T22:21:48.764-05:002009-12-26T22:21:48.764-05:00J, how so?J, how so?Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-67095165404102789322009-12-26T21:46:06.090-05:002009-12-26T21:46:06.090-05:00isnt it pretty hypocritical of you to leave judais...isnt it pretty hypocritical of you to leave judaism an then celebrate christmasJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16925539992167984745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-23532718236846385172009-12-25T13:36:15.077-05:002009-12-25T13:36:15.077-05:00Merry EVERYTHING!Merry EVERYTHING!Ms. Moonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09776404747858099919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-16280243224268401092009-12-25T10:25:25.498-05:002009-12-25T10:25:25.498-05:00Michal-
Sorry, I meant they were saying racist AN...Michal-<br /><br />Sorry, I meant they were saying racist AND super conservative things (and I meant both socially and politically conservative), not that that all conservative things are racist. <br /><br />And I'm a bit confused by your statement about my "constant need" to associate the two, as I don't remember ever talking about racism before in my blog. But maybe I did and I don't recall. <br /><br />Bhochster- sorry must have missed it. <br />It's hard to say if there's anything they could have done differently when I was a child, as I don't remember much of what they DID do back then, but when I was an adolescent and first beginning to go OTD my parents reaction certainly did not help. <br /><br />They would react to me starting to go OTD by punishing me and restricting the types of things I could do (for instance grounding me for 4 months when they found out about my secret boyfriend), rather than having any kind of discussion with me, other then the standard "We are really disappointed in you, you are grounded indefinitely" etc. <br /><br />Later on when I was in college they would try to force me to be more religious by putting strings on everything financial (which at that point, before I was financially independent, was the only effective way of getting me to do things). They would put restrictions like: they would pay for my college dorm and tuition, but I had to come home every single weekend for shabbas (my college was about a 2-2.5 hour commute from my parents). They said they would stop paying my tuition if I didn't come home every weekend. <br /><br />Them trying to force me to do something I had no interest in just made me resent them all the more, and made me even less interested in jewish activities. As I told my dad once, "if the only reason I'm doing religious things is because I need your money, what do you expect to happen once I don't need your money anymore?"<br /><br />So I guess my answer would be yes. I think if they had tried to convince me with words instead of trying to force me with punishments I would have reacted a lot better and not have felt so much anger against jewish practices, which I was forced to do against my will. I think if they had encouraged me to try to explore parts of judaism that DID interest me instead of trying to enforce the parts that were important to them, I might have much more of a connection to judaism than I do today (although I do not think i would be MO by any stretch of the imagination). But by trying to force me, they alienated me from the entire religion. <br /><br />As I said in a comment recently somewhere, I think a parent's job moves from management to sales once your child becomes an adolescent- when they are children you direct them to do what you want them to do, but once they are an adolescent you have to "sell" them your values if you expect them to follow them. I can't remember my parents ever having a conversation with me about their feelings on why judaism was the right thing to do, the advantages of being jewish, etc. Instead they simply tried to force me to follow it without giving any reasonable rationale (maybe they themselves don't have one)<br /><br />Now, I'm not saying this is something that could be applicable to anyone- I am by nature very contrary, so this particular approach worked horribly on me. But I think generally trying to force a teenager to go to religious activities when they have no interest is not going to have a good result. The same thing happened with my brother in fact- I remember them trying to force him to go to shul every shabbas when he had no interest, and now he is also OTD. <br /><br />By the time my youngest brother was growing up they seemed to have learned their lesson, were a little looser with him (for instance they let him go to a co-ed high school, while they made me and my other brother go to single-sex high schools even though I begged them to let me go to Frisch), and he is now more religious than even my parents are.Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-77437946235373433702009-12-25T08:59:03.130-05:002009-12-25T08:59:03.130-05:00Did u avoid my question or did u just miss it? I&#...Did u avoid my question or did u just miss it? I'm guessing the latter is correct I am copying and pasting it again. If I'm wrong and u just dont feel like answering,just delete this or w/e.<br />On the post Oy Geavlt I commented:<br /><br />"Hi<br /><br />I just came across this blog, and have spent the past hour reading it.<br /><br />There is one thing I'm wondering about, (it was triggered by the lovely Chanuka pic u posted of your family) and I would appreciate your honest opinion.<br /><br />In your current view of things, is there anything your parents could have done , or avoid, during your childhood and/or adolescence that would have resulted in a different outcome from their perspective (i.e. a frum daughter...) ?<br /><br />Thanks ahead,<br />BJ "הההhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09275981585114921197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-5970409065268399022009-12-25T03:40:54.060-05:002009-12-25T03:40:54.060-05:00have been you reading your blog off and on for a w...have been you reading your blog off and on for a while....<br /><br />i'm a bit put off by your constant need to associate conservative thought with racism.<br /><br />I'm conservative in my political thoughts, I grew up frum in Brooklyn, and am not racist at all. In fact, my husband and I get just as upset as you do when those types of comments are made.Mrs Rbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06048922817307610007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-57090235627422322292009-12-24T11:19:18.481-05:002009-12-24T11:19:18.481-05:00Penny isn't here yet, because she's not co...Penny isn't here yet, because she's not coming till my sister in law comes tomorrow- but I will let you know! I think they will be fine, they both are pretty friendly dogs that get along with other dogs.<br /><br />The big husky that lives next door however tried to pee on Barkley through the fence like 3 times already :)Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-15874480142597754302009-12-24T11:07:44.919-05:002009-12-24T11:07:44.919-05:00How are Barkley & Penny getting along?How are Barkley & Penny getting along?Rabba bar bar Chanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11450815030297601918noreply@blogger.com