tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post7963490022213214202..comments2023-10-17T05:01:42.650-04:00Comments on Abandoning Eden: Thanksgivikkah Holiday Ambivalence. Abandoning Edenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-58356947844863934862014-01-06T12:46:09.670-05:002014-01-06T12:46:09.670-05:00Back to the original question of C and any future ...Back to the original question of C and any future reaction she might have to her mother's Jewish origins....<br /><br />I think I mentioned it before, but have you ever read The Color of Water by James McBride? If not, you should. The author basically explores the story of his mother, who was born in Poland in 1921 to an Orthodox Jewish family, raised in Virginia with an abusive father, and who ran away from home and married a black man, converted to Christianity and raised 12 children as black Christians while never revealing anything at all about her roots. The author recognizes the pain of his mother's experiences, and the book doesn't change his primary identity, but he's also open to learning about the Jewish connection in a way that his mother was not. I might be interesting to read a book from the POV of a child of someone who went OTD (long before the term existed).Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-48227827752487814532014-01-02T23:51:23.931-05:002014-01-02T23:51:23.931-05:00I am not bigoted against religious people. Does po...I am not bigoted against religious people. Does pointing out when a group of people as a whole are on average very racist, now count as bigrory? Does pointing out a huge problem in the jewish community make me a bigot? Pretty convenient if you're in that community and don't want to be criticized for it. Not every person who is jewish has to be a racist for racism to be a problem among jews. As a mizrachi you HAVE to know what I'm talking about, or else you are completely blind. <br /><br />Maybe stop being defensive for a second and think about what I'm talking about. This rampant denial that there are any problems with racism in the community is part of what drives away people like me, who see through that bullshit. If we were talking about child molestation would you say it wasn't a problem in the orthodox community, because every single person isn't molested? Is that no similar to saying abuse in yeshivas isn't a problem, because every single person is not beaten to the point of being broken? <br /><br />By the way, I wasn't beaten directly by the yeshiva's except that one time in first grade that I was hit by a teacher in first grade and forced to lie about it. But my little brother regularly beat the shit out of me as a child, at the same time that he was regularly being tormented and bullied by his rebbes at that same school. So I do feel somewhat abused by proxy, even though I know my brother didn't have to take it out on me in that way (and he stopped well before we even went through puberty). I still have PTSD about that shit. Sigh. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-29398211892340473812014-01-02T23:43:19.857-05:002014-01-02T23:43:19.857-05:00*that second beit el should be bar ilan, sorry, mo...*that second beit el should be bar ilan, sorry, mommy brain :)Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-42645124696540822282014-01-02T23:23:44.726-05:002014-01-02T23:23:44.726-05:00And I agree that birthrite and all the west bank s...And I agree that birthrite and all the west bank settlements are propoganda strongholds. I did spend a summer living in Beit El when I was 14 (1996), with cousins, (my parents didn't come with me) and at that time spoke hebrew well enough to talk to many girls and boys, including a big OTD crowd that my cousin hung out with. We hitchhiked all over israel (are the trampiada's still legal?). Although my best friend that summer was someone who had immigrated from England. After bithright I extended my ticket for 3 weeks and went to beit el, but again, a program for americans. I also spent a lot of time hanging out in jerusalem on ben yehudah street with the american's there for a year. But even though those type of jewish people don't make up all jewish people, do they not make up MANY if not even most of the jewish people? Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-74494033796686452492014-01-02T23:19:18.642-05:002014-01-02T23:19:18.642-05:00*My uncle who is Chilean is the one who lives in I...*My uncle who is Chilean is the one who lives in Israel now, as do 4 of his 5 kids and I don't know how many grandkids at this point. I also have many 4th cousins in israel that I met as a child, who live in s'fat. And a bunch of distant relatives who are big macher's in the gerer chassidic sect in israel apparently (they are too religious to talk to my family). Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-51753543971294303592014-01-02T23:15:52.323-05:002014-01-02T23:15:52.323-05:00oh and my dad was born in israel (I'm an israe...oh and my dad was born in israel (I'm an israeli citizen) my grandparents were some of the original post-war zionists and lived on a kibbutz, and although they moved to the US in the late 50s (I think there was like war breaking out at the time) my aunt moved back after that. They are not very recent settlers, they've been there since the 70s (and my aunt spent 10 years there in the 50s). And they live in a pretty old settlement. I remember when I was a kid driving through ramalah before they built the highways that went around them. A lot of those experiences really color my opinion on israeli politics. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-492289588847450812014-01-02T23:13:02.343-05:002014-01-02T23:13:02.343-05:00Ok I guess you are right that all people accept wh...Ok I guess you are right that all people accept white jews as white and not non-white jews, but that has nothing to do with them being jewish, it has to do with them being people of color. By the way I am a quarter safardi (and am frequently mistaken for latino although I am super white) and I have an uncle who is a Chilean Jew (not so super white) and his daughter married a Jew from India (one of the people who claim to be the lost tribe of menashe who later reconverted in israel). My old roommate was a Chilean Jew as well. He was also ridiculously sexist and a little bit racist too. Ha. I don't get why so many people are comfortable saying racist things around me, maybe it's because I don't speak up much in groups of people like that (having been shut down so much as a child) so they must assume I just agree with them. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-9678149012043928082014-01-02T15:01:31.732-05:002014-01-02T15:01:31.732-05:00Because AE is a pretty typical New Jersey Jew, who...Because AE is a pretty typical New Jersey Jew, who thinks that they are the center of the Universe, Judaism, and American life in general.<br /><br />There is a LOT of horrible behavior amongst NY Jews, secular, Reform, Conservative, and Frum, and its been internalized as normal Jewish behavior... to the point as referring to the rest of the Jewish world as "Out of Town."<br /><br />It is sad, and ironic, that AE has internalized the bigotry and intolerance of her youth, and simply found a new target to apply. Instead of racism, it's anti-religion bigotry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-91156788886782743292014-01-02T12:04:03.434-05:002014-01-02T12:04:03.434-05:00I acknowledged my selection bias in my first respo...I acknowledged my selection bias in my first response to kisarita.<br /><br />Obviously, we grew up at different times, in different countries and know different people. My mother was a red diaper baby. I worked at a summer camp that had the Communist Manifesto among the required staff education material. Albie Sachs spoke at my law school graduation. My husband and many of our friends are Mizrachi, not Ashkenazi.<br /><br />When you talk about "everyone" accepting Jews as white, you are excluding non-Ashkenazi Jews from the conversation. I don't think your government was thinking that my FIL was a white guy when they detained him for 2 hours at the border. I'd also argue that "everyone else" apparently doesn't include Jacques Parizeau, Pauline Marois or the rest of the ruling party in the Quebec government. They were even kind enough to put out some helpful cartoons to illustrate just how they see religious minorities:<br /><br />http://www.nosvaleurs.gouv.qc.ca/en/propositions/3 [Note: religious neutrality does NOT mean that they have any plans to remove the big crucifix in the National Assembly.]<br /><br />I am not denying your personal narrative, much of which is quite appalling. I am saying that there is a difference between anecdote and data, and to be aware of your own selection bias. Very different experiences can be had within a wider community. What makes your personal narrative more valid than mine?<br /><br />For example, I had a little laugh reading about your Israel experiences. Yes, I've been to those places too. You saw a bunch of Anglo and Dati Leumi strongholds. Neither Birthright nor your parents would ever have you meet people like my husband's family. Tell me, how many intimate conservations did you have with people who couldn't speak English? What percentage of the people that you spoke to were not Ashkenazi? How many nights have you ever spent in a development town? The settler movement is disproportionately Anglo, because they are the ones who move to Israel for ideological, not practical, reasons.<br /><br />Stating "my personal experiences with the Jewish community revealed racism and sexism" is a personal narrative. Concluding on that basis that it is more prevalent in the Jewish community as a whole than in any other community goes beyond personal narrative or opinion - it's an assertion of fact.<br /><br />When you look at actual data and studies, they don't support your conclusion.<br /><br />Pew Forum study (skip to page 95 and onward): http://www.pewforum.org/files/2013/10/jewish-american-beliefs-attitudes-culture-survey-full-report.pdf<br /><br />Jewish Distinctiveness in America study: http://www.ajc.org/atf/cf/%7B42D75369-D582-4380-8395-D25925B85EAF%7D/JewishDistinctivenessAmerica_TS_April2005.pdf Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-85198613101997758972014-01-02T10:37:38.006-05:002014-01-02T10:37:38.006-05:00I apologize. Based on that last comment, I'd ...I apologize. Based on that last comment, I'd have to say that you and B are perfectly suited to each other. It's a side of you that you had not previously revealed on your blog.Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-33113731771667260022013-12-31T17:46:59.323-05:002013-12-31T17:46:59.323-05:00I think your client was right that it's normal...I think your client was right that it's normal to be depressed when your marriage is going down the drain. The problem is he killed himself. That's where he went wrong. He was chickenshit and couldn't handle dealing with his problems and facing adversity, which all humans face, and which is perfectly normal. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-30054039189491294052013-12-31T17:43:15.927-05:002013-12-31T17:43:15.927-05:00anyway it probably would not be helpful if you as ...anyway it probably would not be helpful if you as a psychologist told people they were chickenshit for being depressed. But for the type of people like my husband and me, who have both been sent to shrinks for being atheists and not conforming to religion, we are not going to go to shrinks. And advice like that- to quit wining and buck up, actually does help some people. Maybe not the type of people who come to see you. But the type of people who come to talk to him. And me. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-70151508438876786752013-12-31T17:40:36.818-05:002013-12-31T17:40:36.818-05:00or so he told me when i called to talk to him abou...or so he told me when i called to talk to him about Deb Tambor and how happy she seemed right before she killed herselfAbandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-18577502917375610332013-12-31T17:38:38.940-05:002013-12-31T17:38:38.940-05:00Or I guess they believe in some fantasy god that i...Or I guess they believe in some fantasy god that is going to make everyone all happy and just and fair after they die, like some literal deus ex machina. According to my dad, also a psychologist, in retrospect his suicidal patients get cheerful right before they die, because they believe they are going to a better place and feel relief they don't have to deal with this world anymore. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-50804105440123385332013-12-31T17:36:43.615-05:002013-12-31T17:36:43.615-05:00as for depression being a normal part of life, I m...as for depression being a normal part of life, I mean everyone probably goes through it at some point, and if not, they're not paying attention, or don't care about anyone except themselves. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-91024632450132271392013-12-31T17:35:12.844-05:002013-12-31T17:35:12.844-05:00*Started dating non jews rather :)*Started dating non jews rather :)Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-65474837929000545602013-12-31T17:31:08.597-05:002013-12-31T17:31:08.597-05:00I don't think it is only orthodox jews who are...I don't think it is only orthodox jews who are more racist than the average person. Remember I spent most of my late teens and early 20s trying to find some non orthodox community that would fit with my values. <br /><br />I think racism is endemic of the jewish nation as a whole, and I think it has to do with a feeling of persecution over the years and not being able to accept that they are no longer being persecuted and jews have basically been accepted as white people by everyone else. I was just watching a video a friend of mine posted from 7th grade, where the students in our class were doing a play about blood libels and how everyone is out to get the jews. There were several indoctrination -heavy lines about how everyone wants to kill the jews but at least we have our traditions to protect us. It was fucked. <br /><br /> And I did not grow up ultra orthodox, I grew up modern orthodox, and went to a jewish day school that was more of a prep school for very rich kids (SAR) many of whom were not orthodox (Spielberg's sisters kids for instance went to my school. And the kids of a bunch of millionaire business leaders). And throughout my youth and my 20s I heard racism on a constant basis behind closed doors. I would say it is a defining characteristics of both the orthodox and non orthodox jewish communities I have been a part of. <br /><br />Of course these communities were only in the northeast/ Manhattan/ North and South NJ/Brooklyn/ Monsey /Philly area. And the south. And Israel, where I lived for a summer in the West Bank and spent a lot of time as a child, and where as a 19 year old I went on Birthrite with a non religious group, tried out all sorts of religious views, and spent 3 weeks crashing at a friend's place at Bar Elan. And I have heard similar sentiments on visits to orthodox people we stayed with in Chicago, Boston/brookline, LA/Venice beach, San Francisco, San Diego, outside Atlanta. I traveled a lot as a child, and my dad took advantage of the local orthodox communities. <br /><br />So it's not EVERYONE. Of course it isn't. It's just much more prevalent and openly discussed behind Jewish orthodox (and conservative, reform, and reconstruction) doors than in ANY other community I have ever been a part of or interacted with, including hippies, millionaire upper class businesspeople from the midwest, academics, goths in the 90s, and even rednecks and religious moms in the south. <br /><br />Also my family voted democrat until I was in my 20s. I think you are looking at your community with rose colored glasses because you don't want to see what is apparent to anyone not wearing them. Yes you are probably not a racist. Yes not every jew is racist. I know many of them. Partially because I went out of my way to seek out other frum people like me, who were not racists. And it was really really hard to find people like me in the community, one of the reasons I left. And maybe I just happened to have more of an insider view on racism. I mean, maybe my dad being a racist made people say racist things around him, while you don't hear what people say when people like you aren't around, because you're not a racist. I think you have some selection bias as well you know (most racists are not very open about their views until they, sometimes mistakenly, think you are cool.)<br /><br />But there are a lot more racist jews than there are racist anything else, as far as I can tell in my experience behind closed doors all over the country/Israel and in all sorts of communities. And B has my insiders view of all these things. He knows the reason I started dating jews is because I could not find any men who were not racist and (especially) sexist to some degree, to the degree to which I could live with. Plus you know, a bunch of people in my family have been huge assholes to him, his wife and his daughter, because he wasn't born from a jewish vagina, as is plain to everyone as well. And it hasn't been only orthodox people who have treated us like shit, either. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-26966996486014637522013-12-31T10:18:54.904-05:002013-12-31T10:18:54.904-05:00That's what one of my clients told me - he cla...That's what one of my clients told me - he claimed that of course it was perfectly normal to be upset when his marriage was going down the drain, and that his wife had no reason to say that he was clinically depressed. Two weeks later I got the call that they found his body. I don't consider that to be a normal part of life, nor do I think it's helpful to call people suffering from clinical depression "chickenshit".Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-39898353613196861462013-12-30T19:56:45.746-05:002013-12-30T19:56:45.746-05:00Also by the way I think religion serves an importa...Also by the way I think religion serves an important function in the way in which society is currently structured. In my ideal world we would have community gathering places to gather, sing songs together, meet new people, and form a community with like minded people, perhaps based on political ideology or other common interests, instead of which imaginary sky creature team we are a fan of. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-88572231620034792152013-12-30T19:54:42.502-05:002013-12-30T19:54:42.502-05:00I think I see what the problem is, you think of at...I think I see what the problem is, you think of atheism as a "different religious belief" instead of what it is for many of us- the belief that religion is wrong. I don't respect other religious beliefs. I believe all religion is wrong and there is no god. THAT is the only religious belief I have. <br /><br />Now I respect religious people. I understand that many of them are intelligent people and not bad people. I do not think they are stupid in general. But I do not respect religion itself. And I think they are wrong about religion. <br /><br />That doesn't mean I will be mean to their face or be a dick about it, but I still believe they are wrong. I can never really respect a religious belief itself, when they are all so clearly man made rules designed to give someone power of some kind in the past and were therefore attributed to god. To say I have to respect that someone believes what is essentially bullshit, is not something I agree with. <br /><br />His name is named "Anti-theist" for jebus sake. What do you think that means? It means he is against religion. :)Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-65843807648427037632013-12-30T18:45:34.380-05:002013-12-30T18:45:34.380-05:00sorry everyone I have repeatedly written back to c...sorry everyone I have repeatedly written back to comments only to have them deleted because blogspot is fucking annoying and my school email also uses GMAIL and it wants to post thing under my school email (which would not be cool for multiple reasons). So I've been trying to respond to this stuff for months and keep giving up after frustration when my long comments are deleted. Maybe I will go back one by one and actually respond now that I seem to have de-fucked my internet browser so this will actually work. Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-84856458555958540422013-12-30T18:43:56.275-05:002013-12-30T18:43:56.275-05:00Do you realize how incredibly patronizing and cond...Do you realize how incredibly patronizing and condescending you sound? I've been with my husband for 7 years I don't need some random internet douchebag telling me what's what about my relationship with my husband and "warning" me about him. That goes for you too JRKmommy, your comments are pretty condescending. I know exactly who I married, I know what his views are and what he is like. I disagree with him on many things, but you know what? We're not the same person and we don't agree on everything. If we did we wouldn't be married, because the reason we are together is because we love discussing and debating things, and if our views always matched our discussions wouldn't be half as interesting or enlightening. We openly discuss things that many people find controversial, and sometimes we annoy or offend people as a result (and sometimes we annoy and offend each other when we don't realize how wrong our ideas are) but ultimately I think we come up with some pretty good discussions. And we agree on everything that is actually important. <br /><br />Also, ksirita, you think it's "ironic" that I ended up with someone who hates religion? Are you aware of the definition of the word "irony?" Because I do not think it means what you think it means.Abandoning Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12696116071749613265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-27520884917884526472013-12-30T16:03:48.980-05:002013-12-30T16:03:48.980-05:00I'm not American and didn't grow up in &qu...I'm not American and didn't grow up in "frum" culture (just traditional Jewish), so I can't really comment on what's normal for frum families in New Jersey. [I've slowly come to realize that my upbringing and background isn't necessarily typical of anything. It's a strange mix of Montreal Modern Orthodox, Toronto Conservative, Labor Zionist, non-Zionist Socialist, Iraqi and Israeli, but we all manage to get along.]<br /><br />From what I've seen, though, the lack of warm fuzzies is just not typical in frum families, or any functional families in general. Parents being indifferent to a suicide attempt? A mother ignoring preschool-age kids? Actively hating Shabbat dinners and avoiding coming home even it if means not seeing your boyfriend? That's not normal. I think it's more common to have mixed feeling BECAUSE you still have warm fuzzies even if you disagree with other stuff.<br /><br />The post talks about the stuffed dreidl toy. That's not just New Jersey frumkeit culture - that's a playful Jewish symbol across the board.<br /><br />I noticed some of the same things about B's blog, and really hope that he's one of those people who is just really different online than he is in real life. She made him sound really awesome on this blog, so I assume he's good with the baby and the dogs and doing things, and that there's more to him than posting about why Hitler wasn't really so bad and why depression doesn't really exist and how he thinks Jews and Asians are so horribly racist (without a hint of irony) and why America deserved/begged for 9/11 and why it's fine and fun to make rape jokes.Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-24906105989997806082013-12-29T14:20:01.524-05:002013-12-29T14:20:01.524-05:00good post jk mommy but i think you are minimizing ...good post jk mommy but i think you are minimizing the extent to which frum culture and bad family dynamics are intertwined. basically its the norm in frum culture to be judgemental and condescending to anyone who deviates even slightly from the frumkeit norms of that particular community. i've had many a holiday that i could not tolerate because of the same types of conversations as AE. that, interspersed with divre torah which i didin't believe in and didn't agree witih but had to keep my mouth shut. the difference is that i have warm fuzzy feelings from holidays with my grandparents as well as when i was a smaller child. <br /><br />I find it ironic that AE married someone, who, if his blog represents him, also finds it his personal life's goal to dis anyone with differing religious beliefs than himself. they say we never really escape home. hope he isn't like that in real life and that it doesn't blow up in her face. kisaritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18181012456635737873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8552682727548828725.post-56760885557172418222013-12-18T12:20:30.375-05:002013-12-18T12:20:30.375-05:00I found a post of your from Dec. 24, 2009:
"...I found a post of your from Dec. 24, 2009:<br /><br />"the holiday experience is so different between my family and B's family (apart from the obvious, that I celebrated different holidays at my parent's). Holidays at my parent's house were always full of yelling and people fighting (always about religion and politics) and people saying racist/super-conservative things that made me want to throw up...Also ever since I was a teenager, going to family holidays meant being criticized for my religious/personal choices, usually openly in front of everyone. My grandma used to always say "IMPROVE" instead of goodbye when she was leaving, people used to stare at my piercings/hair/whatever and openly criticize me...While at B's place, everyone gets along and is nice to each other and genuinely just enjoys each other's company and likes each other and acts like normal human beings. I love thanksgiving at his cousin's place too."<br /><br />What I take from this is:<br /><br />1. Family dynamics were so bad that they managed to mess up even stuff that's supposed to fun, like holidays.<br /><br />2. The big difference with B's family wasn't that there was a tree instead of candles. It was that they were nice to each other and it didn't feel like "let's pick on AE" time. That's why even Thanksgiving - the same holiday in both families - was so much better with B's family.<br /><br />The rational adult sociologist in you knows, in theory, that there are plenty of Christian families that dread family drama during the holidays, and that there are plenty of Jewish families that have happy family time and embrace liberal values. Your gut, though, is automatically going to react to YOUR experiences, because family stuff affects us at the deepest level. As you discovered, exploring other stuff in Judaism didn't connect on that really deep level, and couldn't drown out and replace your old, bad memories.<br /><br />I may show some parts of this blog to a friend of mine, because he's heading down the path of turning his daughter into someone who will hate Judaism. She's only 12, but she told me flat out that she associates it with her parents fighting (they are divorced and her mother is no longer religious), her dad getting angry at her, and struggling with Judaic studies classes at school. As an adult, I can see what's going on: he loves his kids and he cares about Judaism, but he's deeply messed up, the divorce was beyond bitter (I saw the court papers and the wife made outrageous allegations that were investigated and shown to be unfounded, but the process cost half a million in legal fees and gave his father a heart attack - the kids rightfully do not know the details), he can be a bit narcisstic (very friendly, but focuses on himself and lacks the basic ability to understand the POV of others including his kids), and he ignores good advice from the Jews all around him - including the rabbi - who tell him that he's wrong. His daughter, though, wouldn't see it that way. If it wasn't for the fact that she's best friends with my daughter and spends time at our house, she wouldn't see anything positive about Judaism at all.Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.com