Monday, November 12, 2007

Should I keep writing this?

Hmm, so I started this blog back when I was having major issues with my dad right around the time my grandmother died. But I'm not sure it should continue. Here's why:

1. Dwelling on things I hate about orthodoxy is probably not very healthy mental-health wise. In fact last night after talking about it with someone I had a dream (or nightmare rather) that I had to go back to my orthodox jewish high school becuase something had gone wrong and even though I already have a masters, I had to go back and finish my high school degree again. ugh.

2. I'm supposedly supposed to be writing a dissertation right now, and need less distractions, not more

3. I wrote this blog to get out feelings I had about judaism, and put them into one place. But of course random strangers start commenting on it. I don't mind that when people are giving opinions, but of course it attracts the occasional random spiteful orthodox jew telling me I'm going to hell, and really, do I need that in my life? I already get enough tsurris from jewish people I know in real life.

4. When I'm not having a crisis with my family I don't have much to say...haven't been having many crisises lately, mostly becuase I've been avoiding talking to them (crazy work schedule makes an awesome excuse). Although I'm going to my parent's next week for thanksgiving so that may be dramatastic. And i'm sure there will be more drama in the future, but in between major drama I have nothing to write about, and feel bad about not updating

5. I'm kinda over talking about judaism in general.

A few years back I went to therapy becuase I kept having panic attacks (like 2 or 3 a week). After a year or more about talking about why I had anxiety, and why that led to panic attacks, I was just over it. My panic attacks went away (I haven't had one since feburary of this year, and generally now only have 1 or 2 a year). And talking about things I was anxious about just made me more anxious about it. Eventually I got to the point where I was just over talking about what was making me anxious, and moved on with my life. I kinda feel at that point with judaism now.

So has this blog served it's purpose and it's time to move on? Maybe. Maybe I'll keep it up and write the occasional update when things go horrible wrong (like next week, when I see my family for the first time since my grandmother's funeral, yay) and just not update it in between. Maybe I'll take it down. Who knows.


  1. My vote is for keeping the blog. Even if you don't post regularly it is a good resource for getting your thoughts/feelings out there. You write well and from the heart. It would be a shame to lose your voice. Stick around!

  2. Just wanted to let you know that I've gotten a lot of inspiration from your blog -- from the fact that someone's "been-there-and-done-that" and gotten through alright.

    That said, if it does stress you out, you don't need to update it unless you feel like there's something you NEED to talk about. But I do think the back entries would help people in similar situations feel better... :-)

  3. Follow your heart and you won't go wrong. Sounds as if it's telling you to either abandon the blog (and move on--because you've moved on), or to take a hiatus from it.

    You don't "owe" anyone out there to keep it going. It's strictly a vehicle for you, and if it's served its purpose, then siyanara baby!

    Best of luck to you.
    (another lapsed Ortho Jew and proud of it/happy for it)

  4. I think you have an interesting blog and hope you continue it.

    Ichabod Chrain

  5. keep writing! Please!


Anonymous comments are enabled for now