Week 1 of Europe Trip: Rome/Cruise/Croatia

Saturday, July 4th 2009, 11:54pm (Rome Time)

Today we arrived in Rome. The airplane was mostly uneventful, although the girl sitting behind us fainted on the way to the bathroom and had to be given oxygen. While we were flying over France we were able to see the Alps, and some of the mountains were sticking up above the clouds. As we flew into Italy we could see the countryside...it mostly looked like the midwest, a bunch of farms, but huge- not broken up by small roads the way the farms in the midwest are.

When we got to the hotel B and I slept for about 5 hours until we were woken up by my MIL calling us about meeting them for dinner. Our hotel has a rooftop terrace restaurant with beautiful flowers and a great view of the rooftops of Rome.

After dinner B and I wandered around the neighborhood for a bit. We walked down to a public square where we saw a really old stone fountain with a fish-legged guy blowing a conch, and we passed the American embassy. We had some gelato at the gelateria across the street from our hotel.

Rome doesn't look as different as I thought it would be. If all the signs and graffiti weren't in Italian, we could be in Boston (especially given the narrow streets and cute restaurants everywhere). There are a few differences though- for one, everyone here drives either a really tiny car or a moped, which I think is great. I think if I lived in a place like this (where there are no scary SUVs bearing down on you on the highway) I would totally rock the moped. There are some unusual trees around that look like trees you would find in a Dr. Suess book, and the bathroom has a bidet in it. Other then that, the city is just old- there are ancient buildings and churches all over the place, and we passed a few ruins of old buildings. I wish I could read a bit of Italian, so I knew what I was looking at, but it's pretty cool nonetheless.

After we walked around for a couple of hours we went back to our room, where B promptly fell asleep again and I read for a couple of hours. The restaurant under our window had an accordion player, and at one point he started playing that song from the godfather, which was hilarious.

Tomorrow we do a tour of Ancient Rome (Colosseum, the Forum, etc) with a private guide, and we start off by going to Mass at a church that Michelangelo designed. I've never been to a mass before (or even inside a church) so it should be an interesting experience, even though I won't understand anything they say (B says he will explain it to me).

Friday, July 10th, 1:32pm (Croatia Time)

Well it's been almost a week since I've written, so I guess I have a lot to talk about. On Sunday we did a tour of ancient rome starting with Mass in a church. The mass we went to was actually in english. There was a lot of songs and singing and the priest gave a speech...honestly, I don't really see what people get out of going to church, it was mostly boring and singing along with songs about god. There was also some kneeling involved, but I just sat in my chair. The church was pretty awesome, and had great paintings all over the inside which I looked at while my mind was wandering.

Then we had an awesome tour of most of Rome with my in-laws, and a private car and tour guide. I can't even remember all we saw, so I guess i'll have to wait for the pictures to get everything...but we definitely saw the colosseum, the forum, circus maximus, the Trevi fountain, a bunch of other fountains, some churches, a bunch of Egyptian obelisks- I didn't know this, but something like 15 out of the 18 surviving Egyptian obelisks are in Rome, and I think we saw at least 8 of them while we were there. After napping for a few hours we went to dinner at a great italian restaurant and B and I split linguini with a veal sauce and another pasta dish with pesto. We had the most amazing Italian food throughout Italy...although I guess they would just call it “food.”

After dinner Sunday B and I decided to walk to all the tourist attractions that we deemed within walking distance of our hotel (which was the Marcella on Via Flavia). We walked for about 3 hours in total, and saw a Bernini fountain of Tritan, the Spanish steps, a big carved column that depicted the victory of some ancient roman emperor over some other place, the Trevi fountain again (This time at night so it was all lit up), the four seasons fountain and another big fountain.

Monday we did a Vatican tour with the in-laws. We saw one of the museums that had depictions of jesus from many different eras of art, a bunch of status that the church stole from Rome and Greece, and the Sistine chapel and st. peter's basilica. At St. Peter's they have a door that they only open every 25 years and then they seal up for the next 25 years, because if you walk through it you are supposedly washed clean of all your sins (kinda like in Dogma). I guess they wouldn't want people to be cleaned of their sins more often then that.... The Sistine chapel was awesome to see in person, but insanely crowded. The hallway there had a bunch of ancient roman maps of different areas of Italy and the rest of the roman empire, which were pretty neat. Our tour guide at the Vatican kinda sucked- my father in law is on oxygen and can't walk really fast, so I kept hanging back to make sure he didn't get lost in the crowd, but the tour guide would just talk to whomever could keep up with him, so I missed about half of what he said.

On the way to the Vatican we stopped at a church that supposedly has st. peter's chains, and also Michelangelo's famous status of Moses! The one that used to have rays of light coming out of the head, but then the rays broke off and were filed down to horns..this status is probably the reason a whole bunch of people think jews have horns. I was really excited to see that statue, since I didn't even know it was in Rome and it's one of my favorite statues (yes, I have favorite statues, what of it!). I got a little replica of it outside at a souvenir cart. All over Rome, the souvenir carts have little replicas of statues in some kind of stone, which are pretty cool.

Tuesday B and I took a solo trip to Naples and Pompeii. In Naples we drove around and saw some old castles and fortresses (and our cruise ship which was docked there). Then we stopped at a cameo factory where we saw a demonstration of how cameos are made and an artisan working on a cameo. The area by Naples and Pompeii is known for making cameos. I didn't get any of the jewelry cameos because they were all like $60 euro minimum, but we got a seashell that had a turtle carved into it that was less expensive (and I also collect turtles, so yay)

Pompeii was great. I knew it was a city but I guess I didn't expect it to look as much as a city as it did- all the buildings were attached to each other in long rows down the street, and very well preserved. We saw a temple of isis, the place where the gladiators trained, an auditorium, some shops, a few well preserved houses, a laundry, a whorehouse, the big public square, a public bathhouse, and the “Cave Canum” (beware of dog) mosaic. Speaking of dogs, there were stray dogs all over pompeii which were really cute, and a lot of them were just hanging out inside of the old buildings. We also saw a few of those petrified plaster bodies of course, including the dog one.

The trip was great but exhausting, and it was hot as balls outside for the 3 hours we were walking around. I kept refilling my water bottle from all the old fountains they have there that they have restored into working order, so that was cool- I drank from the same fountains as the citizens of pompeii did!

Wednesday we boarded our cruise, and yesterday we were at sea all day. Our balcony is farkin awesome. We are on the back of the boat, so we have a great view of all the stuff we pass, and we've spent several hours sitting out there and reading- so much that i've already gone through all my books, but awesomely there's a library on board with some good stuff. The food is also amazing. Last night was one of the formal nights, so they had extra fancy food- and I got to try Quail (with apricot stuffing, yum), and prawns (eh).

Yesterday morning we also passed a volcano- Stromboli- which has about 300 people living on it, which we found out when we went up to the observatory where there was a tour guide guy talking about it. We also passed through the straights of messina yesterday. We spent the day hanging around the ship- we went to a cooking class where they showed us how to make tomato sauce and mushroom sauce, and how to make homemade pasta, and we spent some time in the hottub, and ended up renting a movie at night (Finding Nemo). Our first night here we saw the movie Doubt in the movie theater on board, which we both really liked.

This morning we arrived in Dubrovnik, Croatia, where B and I went on another one of our solo trips- a kayaking tour around the edge of the city. We “tendered” to the pier, which means we anchored out at sea and took these little boats to the pier. When we were kyaking out in the sea,we saw some old fortresses and stopped at a cave with a beach, where I totally failed at my first attempt at snorkeling- the waves kept going over my snorkel and I kept breathing seawater. The two times I actually was down there for a bit I saw a couple of fish, which was awesome...I think the mouth piece was too big for my mouth which didn't help. But the kayaking was great, even though I was bumping up against my physical limits. I think we were some of the least in-shape people on that tour- we kept ending up near the back of the group with the young kids, and my arms were killing me by the end, even though we took frequent stops. We saw some people jumping off the cliffs, but did not attempt to do so.

Anyway, now we're back on the boat and we're about to go up to the front of the boat to take some pictures of Dubrovnik since we didn't take our cameras with us on shore. Tomorrow we will be in Corfu, Greece and Saturday we visit Olympia. I'll try to update more often now that we have internet access, since I don't think ya'll want to read long-ass entries like this one. :)

I am a master packer!

We will be gone from July 3rd-July 18th; 16 days in total. Clothes for the two of us for the entire trip assuming we will not be able to do laundry, including a suit for B and my wedding dress (and fancy shoes) for the formal nights on the boat, polo shirts and fancy pants for both of us for regular dinner nights on the boat, sandals and walking shoes for both of us, bathing suits, 3 cameras (2 photo 1 video), binoculars, 8 books, toiletries, a jacket, my laptop:

1 medium sized suitcase
1 carry-on sized suitcase
1 backpack (regular backpack not a crazy camping backpack)

plus we packed another backpack sized bag folded up into the backpack in case we need another bag to bring back gifts in. Packing Skills FTW!

We drop off Barkley at a friend's place at 9:30am. We leave for the airport at 9pm. We arrive in Rome on Saturday at 10am, their time.

I probably won't have internet until at least Wednesday when we board the cruise. Also, we got an upgrade to a room with a balcony!! On the back of the boat! So we can sit on our private balcony and watch the wake and all the countries floating by!

So excited! This time tomorrow I'll be on a plane!

Why you should wait to get married until you're a little older

Well, apparently unless I post something super dramatic and controversial, no one cares to comment on my posts.

So I thought maybe I would bore entertain you all with some information from my dissertation. Cause I can. Also cause I'm tired of writing it right now.

Here's a graph I made today:


That's the rate of divorce by the age at which you marry. Neat huh? I've never seen a better argument for not getting married when you're a teenager.

But what's up with that little blip at age 25? This is my theory....first of all, this graph includes information on marriages formed between 1965 and 2002, so that's important to keep in mind. My theory is that 25 is one of those ages (like 30 is now..and there's a smaller blip around 30, look at that!) when people feel/felt like they HAD to be married by in order not be an old maid. Oh did I mention these ages are all women's ages? So maybe some proportion of these women got married when they were 25 to a less-than-ideal partner, simply because they were afraid of becoming an old maid if they got married later!

That's my theory anyways, and I don't have any numbers to back that up. Anyone have any other ideas?

More about the cruise

Yeah, yeah, I guess not a lot of family drama has been going on since I got married, and I can't write about wedding planning anymore cause it's done, so I don't have much to write about in this particular forum. Also I've been trying to finish a chapter of my dissertation before leaving for our Europe trip (this Friday!), so I've been super busy lately. The chapter is going pretty well (the new analysis is done, I'm rewriting a draft of the chapter and hopefully will have it done by Wednesday). I also submitted a paper for review to a journal this morning, and I'm really glad to have that off my plate (it's the outcome of a 3 year collaboration with a professor; boy am I glad I don't have to go to weekly meetings about this paper anymore!)

We leave for our Europe trip on Friday morning! (And come back late on July 18th). We went shopping this weekend to get some new clothes for the trip (including 3 awesome new pairs of capri pants for me), and I bought some new trashy novels to read on the plane/boat. Ok, one trashy novel (the new Sookie Stackhouse novel!) and two collections of Kurt Vonnegut's essays. I'm also going to bring whatever sookie stackhouse novels I haven't finished re-reading by then (I'm up to # 7 or 9) I may or may not bring a couple of books I need to read for my dissertation.

I'm hoping to somehow keep a travel diary (which will be posted here) while on the trip. I'm not sure what our internet access is going to be like, so I may not end up posting the posts until I get back or may post a bunch at the same time or something. I know I will at least will have some internet on the cruise, I'm not sure about Rome.

Until then, here are some more cruise excursions we will be going on. Unlike the other ones I listed a few weeks back (that will be with me and B only), these excursions will be WITH the in-laws. :) We're also planning a trip around Rome next Sunday to stuff like the Colosseum/Forum/etc, and on Monday to the Vatican Museums/Sistine Chapel/St. Peter's Basilica with the in-laws (holy crap this time next week I will be in Italy!!). Me and B will take a solo day trip to Pompeii next week Tuesday. Then we embark on our cruise on a week from Wednesday.

Here are some more cruise excursions you can expect to read about in the next few weeks:

Corfu, Greece: Palaces of Corfu
Duration: Approximately 4 hours

Pass through the main part of the town and head out into Corfu's lush and verdant countryside of olive, orange and lemon trees. Your destination is the village of Gastouri, where you will visit Achillion--the mansion built by the Empress Elisabeth of Austria and later owned by Kaiser Wilhelm II. Its beautiful gardens and statues have been left intact for visitors to admire. Continue to Kanoni for a distant view of the convent of Vlacherna and Mouse Island. Next, visit the Mon Repo Palace, built in 1828 for the second British Lord High Commissioner of the Ionian Islands, Sir Frederic Adam in 1828. It was then utilized as the summer residence of the High Commissioner, while the official residence was the Palace of St. Michael and St. George in Corfu itself. The second son of King George I, George II was born here in 1869. The Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip was born and baptized here in 1921. The Greek Royal family spent their summer holidays at Mon Repo, hosting their guests (Tito of Yugoslavia, Haile Selasie of Ethiopia, Nasser of Egypt). At the end of your visit you will return to the port.

Katakolon, Greece: Ancient Olympia and Zorba
Duration: Approximately 3½ Hours - 4 hours

The small fishing village of Katákolon is your gateway to the mystical site of ancient Olympia, 25 miles to the east. The sanctuary of Olympia has the appearance of a park, and as you step back 2,000 years into the past, imagine the area crowded with athletes, orators, merchants and philosophers surrounding the Temple of Zeus with its forty-foot statue of the god, the ruins of which you will see today. It’s easy to imagine the roar of the spectators as the athletes took their marks on the marble starting blocks, and to picture the temples, treasuries, porticoes and statues as they were.

After your visit to Olympia, you will then proceed to Katákolon. Enjoy a refreshment on the seafront as you are entertained by the sights and sounds of Greek music and Zorba dancing. At the end of the tour, return to the ship by bus or stroll through the village.

Ephesus Turkey Ancient Ephesus & the Virgin Mary's House
Duration: Approximately 4½ Hours

Begin this tour with a visit to the house where Jesus’ mother is said to have lived the last years of her life. The site has been officially declared a Catholic shrine and was visited by Pope Paul VI in 1967. Next, continue to Ephesus for a visit to the Great Theatre dating back to the Hellenistic period. In the 1st century AD, the theatre was reconstructed and expanded by the Romans to a seating capacity of 25,000. This is also the place where St. Paul preached to the Ephesians. It is still used for performances today, and the acoustics are excellent. The Marble Road which runs between the theatre and the Celsus Library is part of a sacred walkway that you will take to reach the Celsus Library and Hadrian’s Temple. The temple was dedicated in AD 118 to Hadrian, Artemis and the people of Ephesus. This impressive Corinthian-style temple has beautiful reliefs on the porch, and the Ephesians believed that the Medusa head on the porch would protect the city from its enemies. Return to Kusadasi to enjoy the traditional Turkish experience of sipping apple tea while watching a myriad of colors unfold before your eyes during a carpet demonstration. Those interested in purchasing a carpet can do so with confidence. Those not wishing to stay can transfer directly back to the ship, or remain in town for browsing in the shops.

Messina, Sicily: Views of Mt. Etna & Jewel Factory Shopping
Duration: Approximately 5 Hours

Leaving the port of Messina you will head towards the lovely village of Zafferana, driving south on the motorway through a fertile paradise of green vineyards and golden citrus groves. Passing through Santa Venerina village, the scenery becomes increasingly forbidding as you approach the Park of MT. Etna. At 1,800 feet above sea level, this small village boasts enchanting, wild scenery and you’ll have the opportunity to visit the 1992 lava flows. After 30-minute drive you’ll reach the Gival factory at Giarre and receive a very warm welcome and cocktail from the staff. Tour the small workshop and see the jewelry makers at work. Watch as they create their individual masterpieces of fine Italian gold and unique jewelry pieces. Learn how some are made with Sicilian amber and shells with lava from Mt Etna. Enjoy several tasty Sicilian specialties after the presentation. See their unique collection within their exhibition room, with an option to buy.

Yay!

Today is the one month anniversary of the day I married B!

Art or Crime?

A friend of a friend (or really, more like an acquaintance of an acquaintance) was recently arrested after violating the terms of his probation by building this:



He's done things like this before:




He was on probation for his habit of climbing up cranes and other places people aren't supposed to be, to take some amazing photographs. Here's a recent one taken from a stealth- trip to the top of the Brooklyn bridge:



My friend/aquaintence who knows him also does similar type things- he goes into abandoned buildings and likes to "take photographs of things most people don't get to see." The public art aspect is also reminiscent of Banksy a graffiti artist in England whose stuff I really like.

So...Art or Crime? Or both? This type of art couldn't exist without breaking the law...but does the artistic aspect justify the crime? Should people be prosecuted for creating art? Is the fact that it's art just an excuse and people should follow the law regardless? What is the difference between this and graffiti- other than the level of skill? And if so, what exactly is the cutoff point at which 'graffiti' becomes 'art'? And how come big giant corporations with lots of money are allowed to advertise in public spaces, while people without money who create public art that people enjoy are criminals? Are public messages only a purview of the rich? Personally I'd rather see places covered with graffiti than with advertisements...

Better know an Abandoning Eden/shocking grandmother phone call

The blogger Da'as Hedyot has just posted an interview with me for his "Better know a Kofer" [Heretic] series. If you've been reading my blog for a while you've heard pretty much everything in there, but it's a pretty good summary of a lot of the stuff I've discussed here.

Meanwhile, just now, in the middle of writing this post that was supposed to be short...my charedi (ultra orthodox) grandmother called! The living one obviously...but she hasn't called me in about 4 years. So she asked how I was, and I told her I was married, that my husband isn't Jewish, and she asked all about B and his family and his job and stuff. And asked about the wedding, who married us, what religion B's parents are, what religion he is, if B's parents like me, if I live by any code or religion (I told her that I'm an atheist, but that I have morals too..). And if I was happy.

And she was shockingly nice! She even said stuff about how she is glad I'm happy and she wishes me well! Shockingly because...well, this grandmother used to get in my face and grab my ears and inspect them for new piercings every time I saw her when I was in my early 20s and getting lots of ear piercings (well, I only have 3 in each ear, but that's a lot to her), and she was one of the few people in my family (other than my parents) who openly argued about my religiosity level with me, and tried to convince me I should be more religious. Not really using any logical arguments, just basically yelling at me that I should be more religious. The last time I talked to her on the phone was in 2005 when she started yelling at me about my eyebrow ring and how no Jewish man will every marry me, and how all my education doesn't count for anything if I'm not religious, etc (I only had that eyebrow ring for about 6 months...ended up taking it out because it never healed right and got infected). Anyways, after that I pretty much stopped talking to her except at family reunions. And she kept her distance as well. But now she calls, wishes me well, and even said she wants me to call her more often so we can talk more! And she was saying stuff about how once your kids grow up you can't control them anymore and they have to make their own decisions!

I am shocked! SHOCKED! She told me my mom visited her yesterday (when I was telling her how my mom isn't talking to me anymore), so I think my mom must have told her I had gotten married, even though she acted surprised when I told her. She also mentioned something about how our kids are going to be Jewish either way...so the cynical part of me thinks this is some sort of ploy to re-start a relationship with me so that she can have some influence over my future kid's religion, now that my family has given up on stopping me from marrying B..since we're already married and all.

But the non-cynical part of me is all "YAY! Even though my mom is no longer talking to me, some members of my family still call and want to have a relationship with me! Even though this specific person was mean and manipulative in the past and suddenly seems to have undergone a complete personality transplant!"

Um, wait...

Upcoming Summer Adventures

Yesterday I went to see Phish for the first time. While there I ran into approximately 30 people I know, including 5/19 of people who attended my wedding. I love my friends :) Oh man...dancing in the pit between the lawn and the pavilion to "run like an antelope" during encore with a whole bunch of people I knew, walking into lot and running straight in 7 people I knew 5 feet from the entrance, looking for burritos on shakedown with a crush of people like I've never been in before, octojimmy and finding out V was just 2 cars over from where we had been hanging out for an hour, finding ourselves on lawn right next to friends I made at festivals who I never expected to see again...definitely a night I will remember for a long time.

In two weeks I'm going to a camping music festival without B, and later this summer in August I'll be going to a conference in San Francisco and will also be visiting my friend who moved out there (who I saw at the Phish show last night cause she flew back to see them with her twin sister, and she offered me a place to crash on my trip, yay for not paying for 3 nights of San Francisco hotels!). Also in August me and B will be going to a music festival where they allow dogs (well, they don't, but I'm friends with the festival organizer and he said it would be ok to bring mine), and we'll get to see how Barkley is at camping. That should be experience..

But in July is the biggest summer adventure of all; me and B will be taking a trip to Europe with my amazing in-laws (who very generously are funding this trip, which we could never afford on our own), and with B's grandmother. First we will be spending about 4 days in Rome, and then we will be going on a 10 day cruise that visits Croatia, Greece, Turkey, and Sicily.

This is my first trip to Europe, first cruise, AND we're going on an 'ancient roman civilization' cruise, which is totally awesome cause I took a bunch of roman civ classes in college and wanted to do a winter break study abroad program...but of course my parents said they wouldn't pay for it because there was no kosher/shabbas observant program, and I couldn't afford to pay for it myself. This is also going to be my first visit to a country other than Israel (6 times) and Canada (once to Niagra falls), and my first real vacation anywhere that's not for a conference (for work) since January 2001, when I went on birthrite Israel (and watched Bush the Jr's inauguration from Tel Aviv).

Since we are going on this trip we opted not to have a separate honeymoon...but since this is our honeymoon, we didn't want to do everything with B's family, so we sprung for some solo cruise excursions and a day trip in Rome. Our plan is we will get to Rome on a Saturday, spend Sunday and Monday touring with B's family (specifically I think we are doing a tour of ancient Rome one day- including stuff like the Forum and the Colosseum, and a tour of the Vatican museums/the Sistine chapel on the other day). Then on that Tuesday me and B will take a solo day trip to Pompeii, that also drives through Naples on the way there. On Wednesday we board the cruise. Once on the cruise we've booked 3 solo shore excursions, and may tag along for some excursions with the in-laws on other days.

Here's descriptions of the 3 cruise excursions we just booked today. We don't normally splurge on such things, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity (or so I rationalize to myself), so we wanted to book a few excursions that seem like they will be super awesome. I can't believe I will actually be doing these things in around a month!

Dubrovnik, Croatia: Kolorina Sea Kayaking


Lovrijenac Fortress

Your kayaking adventure will start with a coach ride to Pile Square, just in front of the Old Town of Dubrovnik, and after a short walk you will find yourself at Kolorina Bay where the fun starts! Following brief introduction, your instructor will lead you under the Lovrijenac Fortress and the southern parts of the City Walls towards the island of Lokrum and to the Betina Beach where you will have time for snorkeling. A snack will be served at the Betina Beach. Your tour will end with a coach ride back to the ship.

Santorini, Greece: Crater Cruise & Hot Springs


Cliffs of Santorini

A local caique (boat) will take you on a short trip to Nea Kameni to sail along its volcanic shores. The black volcanic rocks and the white pumice offer strange formations and beautiful views. Disembark for a 45-minute hike to the crater of the still-active volcano. Observe the lava fragments and the volcanic rocks, and once you have reached the crater, relax and enjoy the view of Santorini and the amazing cliff of Caldera. Back in the caique, sail to the thermal springs of Palea Kameni. The boat will stop in the green sulfur waters whose temperature sometimes reaches 37 degrees centigrade. Experience bathing in the waters (due to high sulfur levels light colored bathing suits may be discolored). From here, the caique will take you back to the ship or the cable car.

Athens, Greece: The Best of Athens


The Parthenon

If you are visiting Athens for the first time, this outing provides an excellent introduction to one of the great cities of the ancient world. Visit the Acropolis, a symbol of the glory of ancient Greece. History opens before you as you reach the Propylaea, one of the masterpieces of classical architecture, serving as the entrance to the complex of buildings. You’ll see the Temple of Athena Nike (Wingless Victory), and the Erectheum with its classical Porch of Maidens, the Caryatids. Stand in awe as you visit what is considered the most perfect example of classical architecture in the world—the Parthenon—designed as a shrine to Athena and at one time housing a massive gold and ivory statue of the warrior goddess. Re-board your coach and head towards your lunch venue. You will enjoy a Greek buffet also allowing you to relax for some time. Then, you’ll head to the National Archaeological Museum, which boasts the world’s finest collection of Greek antiquities. The highlights include the golden mask of Agamemnon, Minoan frescoes unearthed at Akrotiri, and the superb bronze Poseidon. Complete your introduction to Athens with a scenic drive around the city, passing some of the most important landmarks of the city. Watch for the Marble Olympic Stadium, where the Olympic Games were revived in 1896, Hadrian’s Arch and the former Royal Palace. Your coach will park close to the Plaka (Old Town) area, and you’ll disembark for a guided walking tour of the historical center of Athens. Free time will be available for shopping and watching everyday life in Greece before you return to the port.

I got nothing to say..

Normally when people send me birthday notes I would write back a thank you note (which reminds me...gotta get on those thank you notes for the wedding). But I haven't written back to my dad. I just have nothing to say to him right now. I could talk to him about the wedding, but he probably wouldn't like that. I could talk to him about my upcoming cruise, but that would probably be throwing my marriage/awesome in-laws who are cruising with us in his face. I could tell him that I'm going to see Phish on Sunday and am really really excited, but he would probably not approve of that either (those horrible dirty hippies..damn them!). How exactly can you have a relationship with someone who disapproves of every part of your life except the school part? I'm closer with my dissertation chair it seems...at least he wanted to know how the wedding went.

In other news, apparently Obama Visited Buchenwald recently. Interesting coincidence- One of my grandfather's was a prisoner at Buchenwald, and that is where he was liberated by American troops. My other grandfather was part of the group of American troops that liberated Buchenwald. So one of my grandfather's rescued the other one!

And neither of them knew that just around 35 years later they would be hating each other because one was not orthodox (my dad's dad who is the holocaust survivor- he was/is more "traditional," my dad is a baal tshuva) and the other one (the one who was in the army) didn't like him or his son(my dad) because of that. And then my non-orthodox grandparents got insulted because my orthodox grandparents were total jerks to them when my parents got married. And then my parents did pretty much the same thing (but more extreme!) when I got married, thus completing the circle of asshattery.

On a completely unrelated topic, I love that Conan is on at 11:30 now- I used to watch him all the time in college but as I got older and had more early morning responsibilities, I just could never stay up that late***. But now I can catch at least part of it- and the best part is that it's not on cable, so I can just turn on the little crappy tv in our bedroom and put the tv on sleep and just pass out in the middle of watching it (we only have one tv with cable, in the living room, which is not good for falling asleep to cause then I have to wake up and move to the bedroom).

Kinda like I used to do in college actually. I always fell asleep to the tv in college, since the people who had the dorm room above me in college loved the late night sexing, and there were no carpets in our dorm, and the beds were made of metal...and I was good friends with the girl who lived above me and her boyfriend, so I didn't want to hear them getting it on. Later that couple got married at city hall, because the guy needed a green card to be able to work in the US (he was from Columbia and had some awesome tribal tattoos). Now that guy is married to someone else, has a kids, and is living in Columbia and running a small oil company he inherited from his dad. His ex-wife, who is Israeli-American, was the first Jewish person I knew to get married to someone not Jewish against her family's wishes- actually she might still be the only person I know like that. But since then they have gotten divorced, and now she is engaged to an Israeli Jewish guy, and the Columbian guy married a Columbian girl. Did you know that in the US there's something like a 95% racial homogamy rate- meaning that 95% of people marry someone of the same race? What's up with that?
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***Do you know why teenagers stay up really late but as you get older you start going to sleep earlier? There's actually an evolutionary reason for that. See, for most of human history (and the period in which a lot of human evolution took place), humans were foragers, also known as hunter-gatherers. Humans grouped together in small nomadic tribes, and would follow the food- so they would move around as different seasons happened (and therefore different food was in season in different areas), and as animals migrated. A few times a year several tribes would meet up at central locations and exchange goods and family members, who would get married to members of other tribes. Marriage then would provide some protection to tribes, because a tribe was unlikely to attack another tribe if they had exchanged children for marriage. Several historical sociologists/anthropologists think that this is the reason marriage was created.

Moving around a lot meant that these ancient tribes didn't have very sturdy homes, and so the tribes were very cautious at night, because they could easily be attacked by animals or other tribes. So they would have the most fit and healthy members of their tribe stand watch at night- the teenagers. As a result, humans actually evolved so that teenagers would naturally stay up later at night, so that they could keep watch. This is why your kids are up all night.

It was option c after all

I just make too much of things. My dad doesn't hate me, he just forgot about me, ha!

Got this email from him this morning:

Hi Abandoning Eden,

Sorry it's late but Amazon just reminded me that it was your birthday. (I think you put this in my computer many years ago.)

So, Happy birthday!

Hope all is well.

Love,

Abba & Mom

I guess it was my mom who always reminded him about my birthday, and didn't this year. (my dad signs his letters "Abba and Mom" but I know my Mom had nothing to do with it).

So yeah. Now as for how to respond...do I send him an update about the wedding with a few pictures as if we are a normal family? I think I will...

So I guess my dad isn't talking to me either?

An update on the family situation, now that I've been married for a whole two weeks.

The day after I got married, my Great Aunt Esther passed away suddenly in her sleep while in Israel for her grandson's Bar Mitzvah (she was 71 and had no health problems that we know of- they of course did not do an autopsy, in the Jewish tradition, so we will never know). I recently wrote about my Great Aunt Esther in this post; she joined facebook and became my facebook friend back in January, and asked about my engagement. I decided to gloss over the fact that B wasn't Jewish when responding to her. We chatted back and forth a few times on our facebook walls.

First a bit about my Great Aunt Esther. I have many great aunts and uncles on my mom's side of the family (my Dad's side of the family was decimated by the holocaust and later by the BRCA1 gene which killed all my great aunts on that side before I was born). Esther was my maternal grandfather's sister, and was one of the two great aunts that I visited on a regular basis when I was a child- probably because my mom was close with her daughter. I have many fond memories of running around her house as a kid. We hadn't really talked in around 10 years, but I was happy to recently reconnect with her via facebook. She was very excited about her recent retirement to Florida, and I know she was looking forward to her trip to Israel.

I learned about Aunt Esther's passing via a mass email that my dad sent out to 'undisclosed recipients' that said simply "Aunt Esther passed away yesterday in the early morning, the funeral was in Israel yesterday afternoon, Zaidy (what we call my grandfather) will be sitting shiva this week in Queens." I wrote back saying something like "I am very sorry to hear this, I had just recently been in touch with Aunt Esther recently. I know Zaidy and S (her daugher) were close to her, which of our other cousins are her children? I would like to send them sympathy cards" (I have a lot of "first cousins once removed" and can't really keep track of who gave birth to whom).

It's now been two weeks, no response.

I love when people just don't respond to things. For instance, here is an email I sent to my Aunt informing her about my engagement to B. I was pretty close with her at one point in time, and we spent many a family dinner snarking about the ultra-orthodox members of our family and the crazy things they were doing. Her response? Also no response.

I sent a sympathy message to Aunt Esther's daughter on facebook since I don't have her address- didn't get a response to that either, but that's of course understandable. I could have passed off that email thing with my dad as a fluke, but yesterday was my 27th birthday, and the one day a year my dad has always called me in the past was my birthday. This year? Nothing. Now it's possible that he just forgot to write back to that email two weeks ago, and forgot my birthday because my Mom wasn't reminding him about it.

But I think it's more likely that either one of two things is happening: A. Now that I actually went through with getting married he's very upset about it, and needs some time to adjust before talking to me again or B. He is not speaking to me anymore, but didn't bother informing me about it (I had been under the impression that he would continue speaking to me after getting married, but maybe I was wrong). Of course there is the ever present C option, that I'm just reading too much into things.

Anyway, it wasn't very nice to feel like my parents hate me and/or forgot me on my birthday, but what are you gonna do? I'll tell you what I did: took off for the shore with B and Barkley and had an awesome day watching Barkley running after waves that were retreating into the ocean (sniffing them becuase he thought they were alive?) and then freaking out when new waves were coming and running out of the surf. Sometimes he would just stand there while the waves crashed over his legs, but then would freak out when they were retreating and run out (I guess he felt the undertow). It may have been his first ever trip to the Ocean- and it was my first trip in over 3 years.

After we got tired of running around in the waves (and building sea turtles out of sand and shells) we spent a few hours walking up and down the boardwalk and eating fun things like fudge and salt water taffy and good pizza- we even got Barkley some fancy yogurt dipped doggie treats. Everyone on the boardwalk kept stopping us to ask if they could pet Barkley, cause he's the most adorable dog in the universe. All in all, a good birthday.

Even better? A week ago I also got an email from my Charedi (ultra-orthodox) cousin, telling my about Aunt Esther's passing. She also sent me a long email update about her kids and wished me a happy birthday- she said something about how she missed the annual bbq we always had for my birthday in the past, and that's how she knew my birthday was coming up. So I guess my parents didn't throw their annual memorial day bbq this year? That's kinda sad for them...I don't want them to throw away all their family traditions because of me, and I don't think it's necessary at all. :( They have never skipped having a memorial day BBQ since I was born...and it's not like I've been there for every bbq in the past, so I don't know why they would stop having them because I'm not around (even though it's technically for my birthday, there's a bunch of other family birthdays around then too..).

I wrote back to my cousin and sent her some wedding pictures, and she reciprocated with some more of her kid's pictures. It's really nice to have at least some family members who still treat me like part of the family. I never expected to. And of course I now have an awesome new family that I'm a part of. :)

P.S. My husband has a great post up today about violence

Ha, I think my jewish wife gene just kicked in...

Just a week after getting married I find myself with my hair up under a handkerchief, cooking a gigantic pot of chicken soup!

Granted, the handkerchief is tye dyed and I'm wearing it cause I haven't washed my hair in like 3 days and needed to go outside to walk the dog (and my hair is not presentable for the public).

The chicken soup I have no good excuse for...

We just got an awesome Mario Batali cookbook as a wedding present, and yesterday went to the grocery store with a giant list of ingredients so that we could try out a bunch of recipes* (and we're also trying out In the Pink's chicken matza ball soup and chicken pot pie recipes). Whenever I don't work for a while and have nothing to do, I start cooking like a mad woman, and try out tons of new recipes (most of which don't stick, some do). I love to cook, but it takes some vacation time for me to have enough energy to bother (usually B cooks us dinner).

Today is the Sunday of memorial day weekend...every year on this day since I was a year old my parents have held a spring BBQ at their house and invited their extended family, in honor of my birthday and my grandfather's birthday (which is the day before mine). Kinda like a family birthday party but also just an excuse to get together with the family, most of whom live anywhere from 1-2 hours away from my parents. Last year's bbq was the last time I visited my parents in their home (and the home I grew up in). In retrospect I should have grabbed some of my baby pictures...

I have no idea if my parents are holding the bbq this year or not (I suppose I could ask my brother, but he's not online right now). Either way, I wasn't invited. My bet is that they still are having it, and are somehow glossing over the fact that I'm not there. I bet my mom is marinating chicken legs as I write this...
-----------

*Yesterday we had linguine with lemon-jalapeno-red pepper flakes-sauteed onion-romano cheese sauce (really good, but next time I'm going to leave out the jalapenos, that was waaaay too spicy and I think the red pepper flakes will be enough), for lunch today I'm making a spinach fritata (leftovers for breakfast tomorrow and the rest of the week probably), I'm also making a bunch of chicken soup to freeze today, tonight we're having chicken pot pie and some grilled asparagus from the farmers market, tomorrow I'm making a whole bunch of red sauce to freeze, tomorrow night is turkey-pork meatballs, and later this week chicken matza ball soup!

Staycation, all I ever wanted

Since we're going to Europe for two weeks in July, we decided not to spend the money to go somewhere fancy this week. But we still wanted to do something, so I took the week off from work and we had a Staycation!

Monday people were still at our house, so we didn't do much, just hung out with friends until they left and then went to the dog park.

Tuesday I had to go to work for a bit, so we went to the dog park in the morning for an hour- and a big dog ended up biting Barkley and making him bleed! Wtf! He was fine, and just had a little blood spot on his back (and is up to date on his rabies shot) so we didn't take him to the vet. But still...wtf. Violent bitey dogs aren't supposed to be allowed in the dog park! Have I mentioned that we joined a private dog park with Barkley? And that dogs are supposed to be observed and found not be violent and bitey before being allowed to join?

After a few hours of work on Tuesday (that really couldn't wait any longer) I met up with some friends from school for drinks and dinner, since my officemate left for Germany for the summer on Wednesday (his wife lives there) so we all wanted to meet up one last time before he left. The waiter at the restaurant heard my friend mention that I'm newly married, so my beer was free! I'm a married lady and yet I still get free drinks from boys! :) Not that I expect that to happen frequently, but hey, free beer!

Wednesday we went to see the new Star Trek movie...I thought it was really good, and one of the better newer star trek movies, but I grew up much more into TNG then the original series (TNG was one of the few shows I was allowed to watch as a child), so it's not like I'll be running out to buy it or anything

Thursday was a quieter day, we went to the dog park and then out for lunch at a new restaurant just opened by a member of our dog park. The new place is kinda half cafe/fresh sandwich place, half real sit down restaurant. I was amused to see that the place has only been open a week but had already attracted quiet a few grad students with their laptops. The food was pretty good.

Then yesterday we went to the zoo! We had a lot of fun, even though the place was insanely crowded with children everywhere. Saw some pretty neat animals.

Not sure what we are going to do this weekend yet...may just stay in, as it's been over a month since we've just had a quiet weekend at home- I've either been traveling (work and then a music festival) or we've had guests over. We got an awesome Mario Batali cookbook for a wedding present, so we're thinking of getting some ingredients for one or two of the recipes and trying those out. Also will probably visit the dog park again and maybe the farmers market. Maybe we'll grill some food with our new awesome grill pan.

Next week Tuesday I go back to work for reals. I haven't been really working for the past 3 weeks (took time off to do wedding stuff), and I'm beginning to get antsy as I tend to do when I haven't done any of my research in a long time. In 2 weeks I also start a new research project with a professor that looks at where college students meet people they hook up with, which should hopefully be a fun and awesome and publishable project.

Next weekend is my birthday- 27! I'm going to officially be in my late 20s!- and we're thinking of going to some kind of amusement park- maybe six flags or something like that. Speaking of getting older, after pulling out the one white hair I knew I had pre-wedding (my dissertation white hair- it was only one, and why have it there right in the front of my head for wedding pictures?) I found another white hair that's already like 3 inches long!! I call this one my wedding white hair. Well, at lest my hair seems to be going white (like my mom) and not gray (like my dad). I far prefer the white to gray. I also seem to be getting some smile lines on my face. But that's cool- I'd rather have smile lines than frown lines! :)

Our wedding painting

Slow and Steady Hearts by Crazyredbeard

Started during the ceremony, and finished in our living room yesterday morning.

I wrote up a whole thing about what everything in the painting means, but I think for now I'll leave it to you to interpret.

5-17-09

As expected, my parents and youngest brother didn't show up, and didn't contact me at all yesterday. My other brother came and was the ring bearer and a witness to the wedding. My uncle called me about 2 hours before the wedding (from Israel) to tell me that "Even though we don't agree with your decision, we still love you and you are still part of our family, and we wish you the best today." It was really nice. It would have been nicer if my parents had said/done something similar, but still...


exchanging rings

It rained briefly in the morning, but was all dry by the time of the wedding so we were able to get married under the trees. I'm told it was pretty cold (in the high 50s) but I was so hopped up on adrenaline, I guess I didn't really feel it. Too hopped up to really eat much either, although I did have some excellent strawberry shortcake- I just kept moving around and hanging out with various people (with and without B), and it was so small (18 guests + us + 2 photographers) that I really got a chance to hang out with everyone, which was awesome.

The ceremony was short and sweet. We did it quaker-style, which means we didn't have an officiant (yes, that is legal in our state) and after we exchanged vows and rings we opened up the floor to the guests. Around 4 or 5 people spoke during that part of the ceremony, which was really nice. One of our friends told the story about when I came into the coffee shop she used to work at to excitedly tell her that I had a date with an awesome guy that night! It was cute. :) The painter started our wedding painting during the ceremony (which you can see above) and is sitting in our living room finishing the painting as I write this- I'll post some final pics once it's done.



Still trying to adjust to thinking about myself as married (B accidentally called me his fiance last night..so I guess he is too) :) Feels weird wearing a ring as I'm not much of a ring wearer in general, but I'm getting used to it.

I'm an old married lady! I have a husband! I'm somebody's wife! We're married!!!!!!!! We've already mailed out the paperwork, so this is 100% for reals! It was a great day, and a great wedding, and everyone told us they had a great time. I know I did. :)

I'll probably post some more pictures as people send them to us. I have no intention of closing this blog, although now that the wedding is done I might not post as frequently. Then again, now I'm a newlywed- maybe I'll have some things to write about that. :) So far it doesn't feel any different except for wearing a ring...

Thank you

In less than 48 hours I will be a married lady, and I think at this point it's appropriate to take a little time to give thanks to all of you, readers.

Thank you for reading about my wedding plans, commenting on them, giving me ideas, helping me figure out which were good ideas and bad ideas, and giving me some great tips.

Thank you for being supportive and cheering me on when things got tough, and through all the bullshit my family threw at me. This is the primary place where I write and think about my family situation, and your support has really meant a lot to me.

You guys are awesome :)

No thanks to everyone who tried to convince me not to get married, who tried to make me justify my actions, and who thought everything I wrote meant "my jewish neshama is crying out."

oops

i was wondering why no one was commenting today-turns out when I was messing around with the settings I accidentally turned comments off to everyone but me. Oops..fixed now. :)

Sigh- small parent update

My little brother just called (the not-religious one). He asked if I had talked to my parents lately (no) and when I asked why- apparently my mom is going around the house sighing and looking sad all the time, and asked him if he was going to the wedding on Sunday and then (oddly enough) gave him some mail to pass on to me. Happy wedding to me from my mom...I get some mail!

My dad asked my brother if he thought I was getting married for the 'right reasons' or because I'm "trying to make a political statement." My brother (correctly) answered that he doesn't think I would get married to spite my parents. I don't know how to react to this type of question...infuriated that he still thinks that me being an atheist/not religious is some kind of 'teenage rebellion to spite him' (as he has so often said to me)? Happy that at least he cares about me enough to ask? Frustrated that he would know the answer to that question if he had ever met B, but he still refuses to do so?

It's nice to know they at least still care enough about me to be thinking about me. It would be even nicer if they would talk to me about it, or if they would come to the wedding, or if they weren't disowning me (mom), or if they would actually meet B (dad + mom). I wish they could be happy that I'm so happy, and be with me celebrating my happiness, instead of just sitting around moping because I'm not marrying a Jewish man. Despite all the shit they have put me through, I still love them, and I'm sad that what to me is such a happy occasion is what is making them sad, even though I think they are misguided in their reaction.

In other news, me and B spent the day cleaning our house- we did both bathrooms and both bedrooms, the main kitchen counter, the floors- I even dusted the entire house (Including the baseboards, which I don't think I've touched since I moved here 4 years ago). I also got some white paint and touched up the paint in the bathroom and a wall in the living room where some of the paint had peeled off. Tomorrow we finish the kitchen (including all the dishes and the other 2 counters) and clear the huge pile o' crap on the coffee table.

wedding readings...

only a week and a half left! We're trying to figure out what we'll do for the actual ceremony..our plan right now is to exchange some kind of vows, have some kind of reading, do the 15 minutes of silence/quaker thing(where we give people a chance to speak if they feel moved to), exchange rings, and then sign the wedding license. We still have to write the actual vows, and decide on readings...

Here are some possibilities for readings that I got off the internets: (we will probably use one or two...vote for your favorites in the comments!)

1.From "Union"
by Robert Fulghum
"You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with "When we're married" and continued with "I will and you will and we will" - those late night talks that included "someday and somehow and maybe"- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, "You know all those things we've promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word." Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife "

2. From Plato's Symposium:
"Humans have never understood the power of Love, for if they had they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done, since Love is our best friend, our helper, and the healer of ills.

Once upon a time, human beings each had two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and two faces looking in opposite directions. Due to the power of these original humans, the gods began to fear that their reign might be threatened. So, in a manner not unlike the powers that be do so today, Zeus divided the humans in half. He split their power, so that he and the other gods may do what they wish.

But the gods are not completely efficient. After the division the two parts of each desiring their other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one.

When separated, having one side only, we are always looking for our other half. And when one of us meets our other half, we are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment. We should pass our whole lives together, desiring that we should be melted into one, to spend our lives as one person instead of two, and so that after our death there will be one departed soul instead of two; this is the very expression of our ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called Love."

3. "Sonnet 116"
by William Shakespeare

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds.
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is not shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom,
If this be error, and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

4. Marriage is ....."
by Anon, 1st century China

" Marriage is a dynamic process of discovery
Marriage is a journey, not an arrival.
In marriage, being the right person is as important
as finding the right person.
Marriage is starting to love, over and over again.
Marriage is a life's work.
Marriage is an art... and like any creative process,
It requires active thought and effort.
We have to learn how to share on many different levels.
We need to practice talking from the heart,
And understanding attitudes as well as words.
Giving generously and receiving graciously
are talents that are available to anyone.
But all these skills need to be developed,
if the marriage picture that we paint is to be anything
approaching the masterpiece intended."

5. “Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog”
by Taylor Mali

"First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
when you’re walking down the street late at night
and you have a leash on love
ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breaths
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know ‘Don’t you ever do that again!’
Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise.
It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
It pulls you in several different directions at once,
or winds around and around you
until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.
Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops."

6. "On Marriage"
by Kahlil Gibran

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

Anxiety update, and some thoughts on giving and hippies.

I guess I just wanted to update on the anxiety situation since I only seem to post when things are going horribly wrong, which may leave my readers with a somewhat pessimistic view of my life.

Well, the anxiety seemed to be 100% travel related, because now that I'm back home it's entirely gone. I wasn't killed by any whores at my hotel, I don't seem to have caught swine flu (although I don't know how long the incubation period is, so who knows), and I got home ok, although my flight home was delayed by 2 hours for no discernible reason. Also at the conference I ran into a former graduate of my program and had a long talk with her about postdoc opportunities, so I'm a little more reassured about my future employment prospects.

On the flight home the lady sitting behind me was complaining to her friend about being hungry, so I offered her a granola bar. It turned out that the lady was an off-duty flight attendant, so she thanked me by giving me a coupon for a free (alcoholic) drink! I don't really drink usually, but since it was free and I had just spent 4 hours in the airport I mightily enjoyed my free $7.50 can of beer- it was some kind of delicious German wheat bear that had the word "Kugel" in the title.

Anyways, I didn't give her the granola bar to get a free drink, I gave it to her because I like helping out strangers and I feel like doing so makes the world just a tiny bit better (especially when we're stranded together in some kind of delayed flight situation). Can I call this a win for humanism? I think so.

[Can I also call my dog a win for humanism? People's faces just light up when they see him because he's such a cutie. It's awesome to walk around with him and see people's faces go from kinda blank and distracted to lit up and smiling as he walks past them.]

Part of the reason I love the hippie community I spend much of my summer with (Festival season starts next weekend!!!) is this attitude: that if you see someone who needs help, you help them. I try to bring that attitude to my daily life, and it seems to serve me well.

When I started going to music festivals 5 years ago I had never been camping before, and didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have a car or any camping supplies either, which didn't help. But a friend of mine had a huge tent that I was able to share, someone gave me a ride there and another person we found at the festival who lived closer to me gave me a ride back home, the surrounding people at the fest had food and other supplies, and everyone shared and helped each other out.

Now that I'm a little older and more experienced, I'm the one who brings extra food to give to friendly passerbys and neighbors, who helps newcomers assemble their new tents and lends them a mallet for their tent poles, and who offers rides to people without cars. Not because I expect those people to give me something back (although people usually will offer something in return, because they're just nice that way), but because people like that were very important to me when I was joining this community, and I want to help other people who are like me 5 years ago. And I find actually that I feel a lot better about myself and am genuinely happy about it when I am the one giving things away rather than the one getting things that are given away.

Now I'm sure someone is going to come up with some clever comment about how it's my 'jewish soul' that is naturally more charitable or something. But honestly, I wasn't like that at ALL when I was more involved in the Jewish community. I was much more wrapped up in myself, I would be downright rude to people, and it kinda made me happy to see other people fail. I was kinda a bitch, in retrospect. Part of that was of course how utterly miserable I was during the 7 years between losing my faith in orthodox judaism and moving out of my parents house, when I had to hide what I was doing as if it were shameful (which to my parents and everyone I knew, it was).

This concept that giving is good (and makes you feel good) is something I learned from the hippies I'm friends with. And my joining the hippie community entirely coincided with me leaving the last vestiges of an Orthodox Jewish life- I went to my first jam-band show right after I ate non-kosher chicken for the first time, and my first music festival about 3 days after trying non-kosher beef for the first time (that was the big thing I held onto the longest- I stopped keeping shabbas at age 15, but I didn't eat any kind of non-kosher meat products until midway through my senior year of college, and didn't try things like bacon and shrimp (and crabs, and lobster, and lobster mashed potatoes, and coconut covered shrimp...mmmmmmm) until 2 or 3 years ago).

This also coincided with my ex-fiance breaking up with me (after a 4 year relationship that lasted through most of college) applying to graduate schools, graduating college, and moving away from my parents house- so at the point at which my entire life changed, in retrospect, my entire personality and philosophy about life changed as well. People who I'm friends with from my past (orthodox) life mentioned several times that after I moved away from my parents to go to grad school, I seemed much more happy, nicer, and much less cynical. In fact, even since moving here I've been moving more in that direction- I recently ran into someone at school I hadn't really talked to in about 3 years (when we worked on a major project together and got to know each other pretty well)- he said something very snarky and bitter, I made a comment about it, and he was like "wow, you really have changed a lot -you used to be one of the most cynical and bitter people I know, now you are almost downright normal." I don't know if that's a compliment or what, but I know that since I've last talked to this guy, I met B, and being with B has made me into a happier and calmer and less cynical person.

Back to the hippies- having this amazing community of people to enter gave me social support when I needed it the most (just as I was leaving the pre-established community of Orthodox Jews that I had relied on my whole life). More importantly, they showed me that people were wrong when they said that all 'goys' were miserable and shallow and obsessed with materialism and "gashmius" [the physical (rather than spiritual) world]. That my mother was wrong when she said that no one who wasn't jewish would ever truly be my friend, and that they were all secretly anti-semetic and waiting to stab me in the back. And that you don't need to follow a particular religion to be a good person- in fact, my hippie friends are the nicest and most generous people I have ever met and most are either atheists, agnostics, or some kind of non-mainstream pagan-ish religion.

When I teach my future children lessons in morality, it will be the hippie kind of morality, and not the kind of morality my parents claim is the only true way to live. The hippie kind of morality that says it's better to give than to receive, to leave only footprints behind, to live as simply as you can, and to make a positive contribution to the world. Are your actions making the world better for other people, even just one other person? Which has a bigger and more positive impact on the world; praying 3 times a day, not using electricity on Saturdays, and only eating certain kinds of food? Or just giving a hungry stranger a granola bar?
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P.S. I'm getting married exactly 2 weeks from today!