Got a wedding invitation today in the mail for a charedi first cousin of mine. I had no idea she was engaged, but I guess these things go really quickly when you're 19 and getting married through the shidduch system. The wedding is in less than a month.
The invitation was addressed to "Ms. Abandoning Eden" and not + guest or + B. But I'm not sure if these cousins and this aunt/uncle are aware that I am married- my grandmother (my aunt's mother) knows and my mom (my aunt's sister) knows, but that doesn't necessarily means they would tell this aunt, especially since she is the only charedi member of our family and therefore very judgmental about stuff.
So what to do? Do I:
A) make up some excuse and don't go (would really like to go through, was pretty close with this cousin growing up, and I also think it would insult her if I didn't go. Also I never get invited to family events cause my parents don't pass on any invitations anymore, so I kinda want to like see all the other members of my family that haven't been douches to me cause they have no idea I'm married... and also the ones who do know and haven't been douches, some of whom will be there)
B) go by myself and don't mention B (Which I did at another cousins' wedding last year)
c) email my aunt, tell her about B, and ask if b can come (but I have no contact information for these people either- but I have her daughter's email address and can probably get some info through there)
d) mystery option D
Other things to consider: someone needs to take care of Barkley, and going with B would mean getting a dogsitter. B isn't particularly thrilled about going- the traveling (about 2.5 hours each way) wearing a suit, and possibly having to wear a kippa, plus also the whole meeting my mom's entire family in one crazy night while witnessing an arranged marriage (Especially given that I haven't spoken to my mom in a year). Showing up with him at a wedding may be a bad idea when there's the possibility he could meet my parents in a much more favorable setting - my graduation in a few months. This would also devastate my mother probably, since her ENTIRE family would find out I'm married to a goy at her sister's daughter's proper jewish wedding (and she has always had a little rivalry going with her sister).
Then again, if I go without him, the entire family would probably find out too, since I have no intention of taking off my wedding ring, and if anyone asks me how I am, I would answer "married!" But he wouldn't be like right there. And also if I brought b it would be more obvious to other people that we are not talking to my parents, which would be embarrassing to her (which is how I got a stilted hug out of her at the last wedding last march- some other family happened to be there when we ran into each other). Then again, she should be embarrassed for her behavior. But that's taking the low road, and I am all about my more subtle version of taking the low road, which involves secretly feeling superior while taking the high road.
Yeah I'm thinking more and more that A or B would be the better road to take, although also cowardly and every time I do shit like this I end up feeling bad about not standing up more to my family.
I have a great(?) passive aggressive reply for the RSVP card if I go with option b: "I would be happy to come to the wedding, and am looking forward to seeing you there! Unfortunately my husband B will not be able to attend."