Monday, September 20, 2010

Recieved via text from my dad this morning:

Hi. Hope the holidays went well for you. On a sadder note I wanted to inform you about Sabba's condition. We hospitalized him erev yom kippur. After completing a CT scan of his abdominal area they found that he had gall bladder cancer which had spread to the liver. The doctors say that there is no effective treatment for this. He only has weeks, maybe a couple of days. He is in no pain. I'm hoping he can come back to his apartment for hospice care.

For the non yiddish speakers among you
Sabba= Grandfather (in this case my father's father)
Erev Yom Kippur- the day before yom kippur, last Friday.

So basically, my grandfather is dying. This is the guy who was married to my grandmother, whose death inspired this blog when my dad spent approximately 75% of the eulogy talking about how he has to honor his mother's memory by making sure his kids turn out to be religious jews. I had been running around for two days, making sure my brother's got on their correct planes at the correct time, dealing with random people like the rabbi and the funeral director, I canceled long standing plans to attend the funeral, and after all that I was incredibly hurt when my dad spent the whole eulogy basically shaming me (at that point I had been dating B for about 8 months, and my parents knew about him).

I don't know if I will go to his funeral if/when he dies. If it's in the middle of the semester, there's just no way I can feasibly go and keep up with my work load. Also, not sure if I would want to go after my experience at my grandmother's funeral. I suppose if he happens to die around fall break I might be able to go. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.


  1. I'm sorry your grandfather is sick and dying.

  2. family is built by us being bigger, not smaller than our relatives. we have to forgive and be bigger. dont let the pain of what your father did get in the way of doing what is right.

  3. but my father is the only reason to attend this funeral, it's his dad, and I don't even know anyone else who will be there (I suppose some relatives might be there, but it's in Florida, and all my relatives live in NJ/NY/Israel).

  4. Did you not have any kind of relationship with your grandfather? The real reason to go is to honor his memory, no matter who is or isn't there. Funerals aren't social events (yes, they end up turning into them, but the fundamental reason for them is to honor and remember the dead.)

    Agree with anon, 7:07. Sorry, but your reasons for planning not to go sound so shallow and superficial. Would you want your own future grandchildren to blog that they can't be bothered to go to your funeral because they can't fit it in to their schedules?


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