Saturday, February 18, 2012

A jewish wedding

Apparently there were some "Amazing" pictures of a segregated orthodox jewish wedding posted in a newspaper.

Well I can do that too! ;)

Here's some pictures from my first cousins's wedding. My cousins are misnagid/yeshivish orthodox jews, and my cousin married a hassidic jew. The marriage was arranged through a matchmaker- her parents and the parents of her groom talked beforehand and knew that the couple was a "good match" before they ever met. My cousin met with her husband in public places or in houses under parental supervision about once a week for a few hours for about 6 weeks. Then they got engaged and didn't see each other more than once or twice over the next 3 months, at which point they got married.

They both grew up completely segregated from the other gender (Other than close family), under strict rules that dictated they never touch someone of the opposite gender. Then they are expected to go from never touching a man to having sex on their wedding night. After which they can't touch for a week because the woman presumably has bled, which renders her 'impure' and which means she must wait until she has been clean of blood for a week, at which point she will dip naked in a ritual bath in front of another woman in order to have sex again. Unless of course she is so unfortunate so as to get her period during those 7 days, at which point she has to wait until her period is over and then count another 7 days clean until she can touch her husband and sleep in the same bed again. If there's any questions about her "cleanliness" she must wipe herself with a cloth and give it to her husband who will send it to a rabbi to inspect it. Oh and of course she can't use birth control- at least not until she has had two boys and two girls.

There are the rules my family follows.


The bride walks down the aisle with her mother and father (my aunt and uncle) holding her arms and holding candles. The men sit on one side of the aisle and the women sit on the other side


The bride's mother and mother in law (Both wearing wigs to cover their hair) walk her around the groom 7 times under the chuppah, a cloth held by which symbolizes the home that they will build together. Why 7 times? Cause Jews are superstitious, that's why. I'm sure it symbolizes something. I always disliked the circling thing and fought against including it in my wedding when I was engaged to my ex fiance at age 21.

This chuppah is one of two my mom has made using quilting techniques. She has this one which is white and more traditional for my more traditional cousins (who are getting married in these photos) and a more colorful one that has a tree of life and a dove and stuff that she designed for that wedding I never had back in the day.

The groom is wearing a black knee length coat and black hat that his particular hassidic group wears, and under that he is wearing a kittel, a white garment that kind of looks like a bathrobe but made out of a thinner fancy shirt like material. He first wears this garment at his wedding, and later will wear this garment again at certain holidays each year, and one day he will be buried in it.


After the wedding ceremony there is a meal during which there is lots of courses and lots of dancing between courses. The men and women dance separately. This is the women's section. Almost all these women are wearing wigs.


Here is the men, dancing in a circle dance.

11 comments:

  1. All I can think of is this- god sure must be busy to come up with all these rules. Ha!
    Seriously though- do you think that there are so many rules so that people will have no time left for sinning and such if they follow all of them?
    Is this a form of ritualistic mind control? And behavior control? And why would anyone follow these rules? I swear, I will never understand.

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  2. >Unless of course she is so unfortunate so as to get her period

    If I were having sex for the first time under those circumstances (i.e. practically with a complete stranger) - I would consider myself "fortunate" to get the period.

    Interesting that the women are all dressed in black as well. Funerals must not look terribly different.

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  3. Wearing bright colors draws attention to yourself and is therefore not modest (tsnius). And yeah I think it's more that people will have no time left for thinking if they follow all these rules. Why do they follow it? Community pressure and they believe god wants them to follow all these rules. The idea is that everything in your life has 'meaning' because there is some sort of ritualistic religious thing attached to everything from sex to tying your shoes and cutting your nails.

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  4. "No abortions, STDs, date rapes, gang bangs of unconscious girls at frat parties."

    What's really crazy is that I've now been not religious for almost 15 years and I've never experienced any of those things! I even went to quite a few frat parties and I never got raped, crazyness!

    While I now know at least 6 women who were raped while frum, by other frum people, and those other people were never prosecuted from their crimes and in fact those crimes were covered up by other frum people. And I know at least 2 cases where frum spouses cheated on their spouse with someone else and then gave their spouse an STD. But that stuff NEVER happens in the frum community right?

    Oh and marrying off an 18 year old to a total stranger and telling her she must have sex with that stranger at least on mikvah night every month, that's totally cool and can never turn into a rape situation at all! Of course I'm sure according to you if they are married it can't be "rape".

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  5. "No abortions, STDs, date rapes, gang bangs of unconscious girls at frat parties."

    I grew up secular and missed out on all those things!

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  6. Pretty sure "frat party gang bangs" only exist in the world of pornography...

    In the real world, a "gang rape" anywhere results in MAJOR media coverage and prosecutions. It's not hard to prove a "gang rape" case, it's not exactly a "he said, she said" date rape case that prosecutors loath (providing sex is easy, proving consent/withdrawal of consent is harder).

    Even an inkling of such an event at a frat party would result in the organization being kicked off campus before the police could even conduct an investigation.

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  7. LOL, no STDs. How soon they forget the Rabbis transmitting herpes to baby boys during their briss.

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  8. Jp
    You gotta slow down on the porno! Fetish porn is not a realisitic depiction of life outside your little bubble! Gangbangs of unconscious teenage girls at frat parties ain't that common in real life if they happen at all.

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  9. Jp
    You gotta slow down on the porno! Fetish porn is not a realisitic depiction of life outside your little bubble! Gangbangs of unconscious teenage girls at frat parties ain't that common in real life if they happen at all.

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  10. I love your new banner on your blog.

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  11. thanks thinkingbochur, It's a photo I took when we were passing through a town called Eden, North Carolina a few years ago, I figured it would be perfect. :)

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