Friday, October 4, 2013

Draft of response to Aunt E.telling me I must keep my husband/child a secret

And now for another episode of "Ridiculously long emails I write and sometimes send to my family members to try to teach them to not be such douchebags!"  It's been a while, amirite? This may change as I tweak it...
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Dear Aunt E.,

This will be long but please read the whole thing and take at least a few days to think about it before deciding how to respond.

First off, let me apologize.  It was rude of me to not fill you in on my important family news over the past few years, and I'm sure you've had to find out about a lot of changes in my life through the grapevine.  So let me catch you up on what I've been up to so that you can hear it straight from me.

First, I am not religious anymore, and I haven't been for over a decade.  I openly went "off the derech" when I was in my early 20s.  This caused my parents a lot of heartache, which I felt really bad about, but ultimately after many many years of living a double life and trying to keep secret my true beliefs to protect their feelings, I was miserable about having to lie to my family and pretend I was doing something I wasn't.

Yes, I am married. I got married a little over 4 years ago (May 2009) to a man named B.  We got married in a small non-religious ceremony in a state park in Pennsylvania with about 20 of our closest friends and family members there.  I'm sorry we didn't invite you- ultimately we didn't want to deal with the heartache of possible reactions like the one you just had while we were going through such a happy time, so we decided to not invite extended family.  I'm sure you heard my parents didn't come to the wedding, and for a long time me and them were not on great terms, although we are talking and visiting more now that I have a baby.  You see, my husband isn't jewish. Like me, he isn't religious at all.  He grew up Catholic, and he also had a lot of fights with his family when he decided he didn't want to practice religion anymore, but they ultimately resolved their issues and have a relationship that is stronger than ever today. 

B is a great guy. He followed me down here to the south so I could get my dream job. Neither of us were super thrilled about moving to the south, but we like the how cheap everything is- we were able to buy an awesome 3 bedroom house in a great public school district- and we feel like it'll be a good and safe place to raise our kid(s).   Right now B is back in school again in a post-bacc program, working on getting a teaching license to teach middle school science.  He also does a ton of housework and changes almost all the baby's diapers which is awesome! :) We are very happy together and he is a great dad. 

Speaking of which, we also just had a baby! Her name is C.  She is 10 weeks old today and really adorable. She has this kind of half smile sometimes which makes her look just like your son Y and when she frowns she looks just like Bobbi. :)  She also has Zayde's (And your/my mom/my) eyes. Being a mom is amazing.

Now as for your response to my email.  When I read it, I was deeply hurt and very disappointed.  B and I are sending out birth announcements to his family, and since there are plenty of people on my side of our family who are very happy for us, several of whom have sent us cards and gifts, I am sending announcements out to those people too. I thought it would be rude to send baby announcements to some cousins/aunts/uncles but not others, and I thought it would be a nice gesture to send them to cousins and my aunt and uncle (namely you and uncle A) who I have been out of touch with in a while.

I didn't expect to find out that you had been keeping my marriage and child a secret from your children like I'm some sort of shameful pariah, just because I made some different life decisions than you did.  It's not like I'm a murderer, I just married someone I love who follows the same religion as me (none) for goodness sakes, and having a child is always a happy thing. 

If you don't want to give me the contact information of your children of course I can't force you to give it to me.   But how do you expect this to work in the long run? Do you think I will never see your children again, or keep my husband and child a secret when I do? Some day my brother E is going to get married (and he is still religious), are you going to keep your children from attending? Are you going to pressure my parents to make sure I'm not invited? What happens when chas v'shalom bobbi and zaidy pass away? And when my parents do?  Am I supposed to not go to the funeral of my own grandparents and parents so your children won't find out about my secret husband and daughter and any future children I have?  Should my children not attend their grandparent's funeral, or will you somehow keep all your kids from attending my parents'? Despite our differences in thought, we are still family, and even if you try to sever ties with me, there is no way to actually do that.  And meanwhile you are putting all the rest of our family in an awkward position where feelings are going to get hurt, by trying to keep this a secret.

And how are your children going to feel when they find out that I am married and have a child then? What are you afraid is going to happen? It's not like their heads are going to explode or they are going to throw off their hats and sheitels and run off with a non jewish person or something.  You should have a little more faith in their ability to handle the truth. They will be surprised I'm sure, like L and another one of your other children were when I told them.  I doubt they will be very hurt, unless they are hurt that I didn't tell them before, because your children are mentches, and there is no reason to be 'hurt' that another person has different religious beliefs than you, or that they are happily married and have an awesome child.   There is also no possible way that finding out I am married to a non jewish person and have a child could hurt them a fraction as much as your response has hurt me.

 Do you think they will all be happy to find out that their mother decided that we could no longer have a relationship with each other? Because by refusing to give me their contact information, you are cutting off any relationship I can have with them.  And yes, they are your children, but they are also my cousins, and we are all adults.  My relationship with my cousins is independent of you, and I really don't think it's appropriate for you to be making that decision on our behalf at this age.  Am I supposed to keep that a secret from them too, on the day they inevitably find out about my husband and child?

Finally, even if you don't care about me and my family, I really wish you would consider the implications of your attitude for my mother, your sister, who I presume you care about.  She cares about your opinion and I'm betting that she feels enormous pressure to distance herself from me and my family because of your attitude of trying to keep this all a secret.  But I also know she wants to have a relationship with her only grandchild.  You have 8, you can't let her enjoy her only 1 by turning this into some huge shameful secretive thing?  Are you going to ask her to hide pictures of her only grandchild if your children come over to her house, instead of fawning over the pictures of her grandchild the way a sister should? Knowing my mother I bet she has done a ton of nice things for your children and grandchildren over the years. Have you even wished your sister mazel tov on becoming a grandmother?  Or were you too busy trying to make her feel ashamed about it? The sad thing is I think she might come to believe you and feel like this treatment of her, her daughter, and her granddaughter is warranted or acceptable.  She deserves better then that, and so do me and my daughter.

I really think it would be better for the entire family if we just told everyone the truth now and got it over with, and then went back to being a happy family again (as much as we were before, anyway). Then your kids can decide for themselves how they want to react, and it won't be a huge secret anymore, since the fact that it is a secret is what is tearing our family apart and causing so much hurt feelings.

Yes this is very difficult. It is difficult when your family turns their backs on you. It's difficult when the people you thought loved you, the people who helped raise you and who you spent countless hours with you throughout your childhood, distance themselves from you, and let you know that they will only love you "unconditionally" as long as you live a lifestyle that makes you miserable. It is difficult that even though I want my daughter to know about her jewish heritage, your insistence on keeping her a secret may prevent her from experiencing jewish holidays with my side of the family, since you and my parents spend so many holidays together.   It was difficult when my mother wrote me a letter disowning me, and it is difficult that even though we have reconciled to some degree, there is still a great distance between us, which you are helping to reinforce. It is difficult that every single time I have a major life event- when I got engaged, when I got married, when I had my first child - the times when decent people are happy for their relatives - I've had relatives popping up acting like I should be ashamed about it instead of celebrating with me.  Can you imagine what it has been like to go through all that?

But you know what? I am happy and proud of the life choices I have made.  I have an awesome life, I have a great husband and  a beautiful daughter, I own a great house and I have a successful career which I love, and I am happy with my life and the way I live it, and I will not for one second be ashamed of my happiness.  The only thing I am ashamed of regarding my family are the people in it who don't know how to act like family members should, and who use religion as an excuse to be heartless and cruel.  Do you really believe that God cares more about the length of your skirt or the food you eat than about treating your own flesh and blood family members with basic human decency, let alone the respect and unconditional love they deserve, regardless of what those family members believe or who they marry?  Or who their daughters have married? I have many off the derech friends who are married to non jewish people, and a lot of them have very good relationships with their orthodox jewish family, even with families that are much more religious than you.  Why are their families able to stick together, I wonder, while ours seems to be falling apart?

You are my Aunt and I guess part of me will always love you, but I could not be more hurt by your words.  I truly hope you will reconsider your treatment of me and my family, and especially how that treatment impacts my mother, since in the end I think she is the one being most hurt by all of this. And if you choose to continue to go down this path, I hope that on the day that you inevitably meet my family, that you will do the right thing and keep any hateful words and sour expressions to yourself, especially around my daughter.

Attached is a picture of your new great-niece.  Mazel tov on the new addition to your family. 

Love,
Abandoning Eden

P.s. The last time I saw P  (at N's wedding) she found out I was moving down south, and she begged me to come back up North to come to her eventual wedding, and I promised her I would. When I heard she was engaged, the first thing I did was think about the best way I could travel to the wedding, given that I will have a 5 month old baby who will still be nursing.  I am very upset that she will think I didn't keep my promise (Since I'm assuming you are going to prevent me from keeping it by not inviting me), and I hope she is not too hurt by it.   

51 comments:

  1. I am assuming the baby is sleeping for decent stretches of time if you have the time and energy to write this! I like it, by the way, but I'm not going to critique it line by line and I'm not sure if I'd send it. Anyway, hope I'm right about the baby sleeping!

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    1. she actually only woke up twice last night (Which is pretty good- she just had a long growth spurt where she was waking up 4x/night) but I was up since the second feeding at 4am stewing about my aunt and then when my husband took the baby to go get breakfast I wrote this :)

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  2. At the title I would have said don't send it. But you have done a wonderful job. Put it right in the mail. I think real paper and a stamp will be quite effective.

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  3. If you plan to send it, just cut it down to start at "I didn't expect.."

    Be clear that while she can decide not to pass on contact information, we are all adults and you do not need her permission to contact her kids, and you have no intention of keeping your family a secret just because she has issues.

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  4. I have been reading this blog for about 5 years and this is my first comment. This is a great letter, really mature and thought out, with a really healthy perspective. No anger, just plain-spoken honesty. Whether or not you send this, I think it's a sign of great progress for you that you can respond so cogently and directly. Good luck!

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    1. thanks I actually was telling my dad yesterday... i remember when I was writing such emails to him, and I wasn't quite as calm about it as I can be now (I also told him I'm glad I don't have to write such emails to him anymore).

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  5. I agree with JRKMommy, start it at "I didn't expect..."
    So glad the parents are coming around, staying in the same state where you live is progress! I was hoping they'd want to have a relationship with C, but couldn't rule out the possibility that their hearts would not soften. Maybe someday they can pack a cooler of stuff they can eat and even stay with you for a few days. Or, couldn't they eat at a vegetarian restaurant in your town? All the best to you and your family.

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  6. Long time reader here,
    I am so proud of you for this thoughtful well written letter. You have achieved an amazingly mature perspective despite the fact that you are routinely unfortunately bombarded by small minded people judging you.
    Good for you.
    Enjoy your baby and your husband and dog and the wonderful rich life you have built for yourself. I hope that those good smart kind relatives that you surely have will reach out to you, envelope you and your family as well as your choices and invite you to celebrate and be together at all coming family events.

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  7. Does your husband's position on Israel have an impact of your family's relationship with him? It's one thing to disagree about religion. Another to call Israel completely racist and call for all of its citizens to be killed or deported.

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    1. First off, when did my husband say that? I don't recall him holding that position. Second of all, after all the disagreements we've had about religion, you think us and my parents are sitting around talking politics instead? :)

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    2. Are you serious? As a (frum) longtime reader of yours, I was shocked to peruse through your husband's blog and see the vile hatred of Israel and Jews.

      Here's just one example of many:

      http://anythingbuttheist.blogspot.com/2011/03/israelpalestine-update.html

      "I don’t think Israel has a right to exist. Period, the end. There isn’t any more about the situation that I need to know."

      "I couldn’t have any less sympathy for the Jews living there, and the only basic right I would afford them is the right to leave with their lives."

      "Israel couldn’t be a more racist country. It is a nation founded on racism and one whose entire policy is based on racism."

      "“Never forget” indeed; Jews clearly remember how it’s done."

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    3. And my question to your wife was whether your surprisingly vile position on Israel has had an effect on her family's relationship with her, especially considering she has relatives there and you compare Israel to Nazism when her grandfather survived the Holocaust.

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    4. Actually, you said that I wanted Jews to die. Were you reading Mein Kampf and my blog at the same time, then you just got confused?

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    5. which part of that says to kill jews ms or mr. crazy string of letters and numbers (can I call you "crazy string" for short)? In fact as you quote he says jewish people have a right to their lives, which seems to be the opposite of the hyperbolic things you are saying.

      My parents and I don't really discuss israeli politics or US politics for that matter since we fundamentally disagree on so much of it. My parents are rabid tea party rush limbough listening gun toting racist republicans and I'm a sociology professor who is basically a socialist who think Obama is way too conservative. And yes crazy string, I have relatives who live in Israel, but that doesn't mean I think they should live there. And my grandfather survived the holocaust and was relocated to Israel...and then moved from there to the United States. He was no huge zionist, so don't presume to know what me or my family thinks because you think you know something about us.

      That racism comment is also a bit taken out of context don't you think, since the next line is how it is racist because europeans created israel so that they wouldn't have to accept jews back into their countries (their former homes) after WW2. That is a view I agree with. In a way I agree, Israel should have never been created in the first place and nobody should have been displaced, but now that people live there and have lived there for generations it is more complex than saying they should just move out.

      So it turns out me and my husband are allowed to have different opinions about some things and our marriage can survive! :) I don't get what the point of attacking my husband in my blog is? Are you trying to cause marital strife or just troll my blog or something? Why not just go attack him in his online space?

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    6. Nope, just the posts in which you express unequivocal support for terrorist violence against the Jews in Israel, deny the right of Jews to live peacefully in Israel, blame Israel for 9/11, and express your absurd ignorance by claiming things such as that U.S. soldiers fought in Israel's wars.

      Anyone can look at your hate filled posts and read them for himself or herself.

      Again, I had been wondering if this sort of viciousness had an effect on AE's relationship with her family.

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    7. AE: He does not say that Jews have a right to their lives. He says: "I couldn’t have any less sympathy for the Jews living there, and the only basic right I would afford them is the right to leave with their lives." The hyperbole is not mine.

      I have no interest in creating martial strife. I asked a question. I do presume that your parents are pro-Israel because you have written that many times on this site.

      I happen to be a frum person whose politics are center-left - no fan of Rush or the Tea Party. But surely you know that Israel is a different issue and I was just asking a question. Nothing more.

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    8. "Nope, just the posts in which you express unequivocal support for terrorist violence against the Jews in Israel,"

      Link?

      "blame Israel for 9/11,"

      Now you're just fucking with me, right?

      "and express your absurd ignorance by claiming things such as that U.S. soldiers fought in Israel's wars."

      Again, where?

      How are you able to write, but not read?

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    9. As a frum person, do you ever feel bad about using the blood of blonde children in your bread?

      Baseless accusations are insulting, huh?

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    10. As a longtime fan of AE who rooted for her for years, I wish my "accusations" were baseless.

      "The Palestinians have every right to bombard Israel with all the rockets they please." http://anythingbuttheist.blogspot.com/2009/10/israel-then-and-now.html

      "The Muslim people in the region have grown to hate Israel, and I would argue that they’re justified in their violent rage." http://anythingbuttheist.blogspot.com/2011/08/history-lessons-from-idiots.html

      And in a post entitled "Why America Deserved - Nay, Begged For 9/11":

      "Terrorists don’t hate America. Most terrorists don’t know much of anything about America, besides the fact that we fund Israel and that we had/have a lot of military bases in the region...

      "The primary demands of Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda were the removal of US troops from the region and the destruction of Israel. Bush himself helped make part of the first demand a reality...

      "I can’t fault bin Laden for going big with 9/11".

      And for one last example. "At some point, we need to end this experiment known as Israel." http://anythingbuttheist.blogspot.com/2010/02/pick-your-friends-carefully.html

      These are just four examples of many.

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    11. Context:

      "Personally, I’m kind of rooting for the Palestinians. Why? I have no ulterior motive in all of this. The Palestinians have every right to bombard Israel with all the rockets they please; there’s no international laws against attacking your own land. The Israelis just keep getting in the way!"

      "The Muslim people in the region have grown to hate Israel, and I would argue that they’re justified in their violent rage. I don’t condone specific acts of violence, but I fully understand that when an outside, foreign people invade and occupy your home, there are going to be plenty of people in the affected communities who fight such a thing. Personally, I would get the fuck out of the whole area and try to start over, but the urge to defend your home is generally seen as an acceptable response to invasion… unless, apparently, those invaders are Jewish and they have UN approval."


      "At some point, we need to end this experiment known as Israel. We’ve learned a lot from it, so it wasn’t a total waste. For one thing, we learned you can’t just draw lines on a map in England and expect millions of people in Palestine to be happy with being dislocated from their homes. We have learned that the West has endless patience and tolerance for the violence of allies. Finally, we’ve learned that if you take someone’s home, they get violent.

      Who am I kidding, no one learned anything…"

      For the link to the post with several quotes:
      Why America Deserved – Nay, Begged For – 9/11

      I'm still waiting for some evidence of your claim that I "call ... for all of [Israel's] citizens to be killed..."

      Or is it more important to focus on the other aspects of that sentence, instead of that one wholly unfounded and egregious claim which I quote mined out of context?

      Get over it: Israel is a perpetual and constant war crime perpetrated by Jews.

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    12. It's weird, because I thought Jews valued education. How are you illiterate?

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    13. Spoken like the man who says the U.S. fought wars for Israel and supplied Israel with nukes; believed that 9/11 was an inside job by Bush; and that "I’m pretty sure Jews have a dominant self-loathing gene."

      I'm not going to comment further. Your writing speaks for itself. It's sad that you're so filled with hate and ignorance and may pass that to your child.

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    14. What???? Bret thinks 9/11 was an inside job by bush? Are you like smoking crack or something? Where are you getting this stuff?

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    15. I was surprised when you knew about my blog at all, but now I'm shocked that apparently you know more about what I believe than I do.

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    16. I said he believed 9/11 was an inside job. I got that from his site. "I remember during the Bush years being swayed for about two weeks by the idea that 9/11 was a conspiracy organized by the US government." Subsequently he recognized that Bin Laden did the deed but said the U.S. begged for and deserved it by supplying Israel with nukes and not ceding to Osama's polite request for Israel to be destroyed.

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    17. Oh, and I assume Bret also doesn't think killing babies is a good idea:

      http://anythingbuttheist.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-political-views.html

      "Not only do I support abortion, I advocate for infanticide. Why? Because I don’t see anything wrong with killing something during a stage when no one on Earth has conscious memory. I would say a good cut off for when you can’t kill a baby is when they can talk."

      http://anythingbuttheist.blogspot.com/2011/02/infanticide-vs-abortion.html

      "Legalizing infanticide is more clearly in line with our freedom and liberty based ownership culture...

      "I don’t think the soul enters the human being until sometime between the ages of one and three. That’s my belief, and you cannot prove differently."

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    18. I thought it was a modest proposal.

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    19. I had to look for a while to find that quote about 9/11 being a conspiracy, but I found it in a post where it is explicitly used as an example of something that isn't true...

      Wishing vs. Believing

      I don't think you're making a good faith effort to even present my opinions. I think you're making a piss-poor effort to misrepresent me for some reason. My question is: why?

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  8. Your assertions are all on your site, including that you believed for two weeks that 9/11 was an inside job and that Hitler was probably Jewish since Jews have a self-hating gene. I have no interest is misrepresenting anything, nor have I done so. I'm just a reader of AE's site, and followed her link to your site. Since I'm Jewish but not a self-hating one, I don't care to argue with you, as it serves no purpose. Layla tov, zei gezunt, shabbat shalom.

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    1. You don't seem like a self-loathing Jew, just a humorless, confrontational, bad representative for the Jewish community.

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    2. wow.. do you have any first hand experience with israel? with jews? with muslims? with arabs? with the middle east? many of your "points" seem rehashed from press and other media outlets....how did you come to these very strong views about israel and jewish people in general?

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    3. do you have similar interest in other countries potential or explicit real estate sqaubbles, or human rights violations? china, india, pakistan, afganistan...not to mention the african countries, but they are black so who cares about them

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  9. i have not the will to plough through Brets Blog to see if he is being accurately quoted, but if so, AE i have lost a lot of respect for you that you see nothing wrong with this sort of hostility. As for your family, putting myself in their position, i'd also have a problem with a son-in-law like that, and while I'd grin and bear it for the sake of having a relationship with my daughter, i'd probably not want to push him on my other family members. this goes beyond not being jewish. if he came wearing a huge cross, or being a muslim, or something else very obviously not jewish, i'd be cool with it. these quotes are anti semitic. and i am no zionist. and AE, if your husband thinks jews have a self hating gene, and you are the jew he knows most intimately.... you can finish the thought yourself.

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    1. although the tone of most of his blog is somewhat hyperbolic so perhaps can be read in that light. i can't seriously believe he thinks its ok to kill babies and toddlers.

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    2. Ha, no, my husband does not actually advocate the killing of toddlers and/or babies (although he is pro choice) and yes much of what he writes is hyperbolic. . . .and pretty much every quote by that anon string of numbers person above is taken out of context and in it's full context is not as bad. Although he alsosaysa lot of controversial things. Hes not an anti semite although he does hate that a large percent of Jews are really anti intermarriage, since me and him have been treated pretty badly as a result of that widespread value. He also is against religion on general, and he's pro palestianian in many issues, but I dont believe that disagreeing with Israeli politics makes you an anti Semite.

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    3. Sorry for the typos I'm out of town and on my ipad

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    4. does he have equally strong views on other countries land squabbles? or only Israel....

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    5. I'm not pro-Palestinian, I'm pro-America-getting-our-noses-out-of-the-Middle-East. I also support the return of Tibet's land, compensation for native tribes in the Americas, Georgian independence, Korean unification... does it make you feel better that I know a fair amount about geopolitics in general, or were you just being facetious?

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    6. wow, that is impressive! I just noticed how strong your language was against Israel in their particular conflict and pretty mum (and not as knowledgeable, for some reason) about the particulars of other global conflicts....

      do you think that America has any interest in keeping a strong democratic ally in a (pretty hostile) middle east? national security interest, economic interest, intelligence interest...anything?

      also, curious as to why you would "understand' or almost promote arab violence against Israel ? wouldn't you want a peaceful resolution to this problem? where both sides are content and live in peace and democracy side by side?

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    7. i am waiting with baited breath on your comments about the azerbijan/armenia land dispute - what is your view on returning to the pre-1991 borders?

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  11. big crisis in angola as well as the ukraine....right now. any insights?

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  12. I have read AE's posts on various sites around the internet for several years now. I am an (Irish) Catholic, married to a (Jewish) Israeli, with two grown children. My husband is an anti-Zionist (meaning that he does not believe that a country should be designated as being especially set aside for any one religion, race, or group of people) and he is fairly active in the peace movement.

    That said, I find Bret Alan's comment's to be both extremely vicious and extremely ignorant. While sympathetic to AE's situation, I have thought for some time that there were some significant psychological issues going on here, based on some of what she has written, and I now actually wonder about her mental state and that of her husband.


    On another issue, since AE purports to be an "academic" and mentions her "Ivy League" grad school education on occasion, she should know that she consistently makes basic grammatical errors that would cause her serious problems in 9th grade at a good high school. Here's a typical one just a few lines above this: "since me and him have been treated pretty badly."

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    1. I actually have a learning disability related to spelling. I'm extremely good at math and music, and extremely poor at languages. I have to edit everything very carefully and, not that I think I'm anything like him, but like Einstein, I was a delayed reader. I also do not write my blog in a formal academic style, I use a less grammatically correct style of writing in my blog.

      But if you doubt my credentials that's cool. I really don't need to prove anything. I keep my blog anonymous because I don't want people from my professional life (like my students) to find it, in part since it's so informal and has such poor grammar. :) my office address is also posted all over the internet so I worry about crazy psychos showing up at my office. But many people know me in real life and can probably vouch for me if they care.

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  13. Wow, the more you read the husband's blog, the more eye-opening it is.

    For example, AE has been whining all over the internet for literally years that her parents refused to come to her wedding so she and her husband just decided to invite only their dearest and closest and most supportive friends to a wonderful celebration of their love.

    But now on his blog, her husband writes: "I was called a “rabid Jew hater” by an asshole who was at my wedding."

    Gosh -- so they call some of their dearest and closest and most supportive friends "assholes" and apparently some of these assholes consider the husband to be a "rapid Jew hater." Yes...this is most enlightening in terms of whole history that AE has posted over the years.

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    1. He is actually referring to an ex friend of mine who was at our wedding, not my parents.

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    2. and this particular ex friend was a boyfriend of another good friend, who was the person we actually wanted at our wedding. And now an ex boyfriend. Who is also a rabbi.

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    3. but if you want to read something into it, go ahead. I don't get what you are trying to prove. That I"m unhappy? Or abused by my husband somehow? Or that my parents weren't assholes all those years ago and really I was the asshole? I still have all the letters they sent me, and my responses to them, posted here. Go read them for yourselves.

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  14. Well, if I may speak frankly, I'm trying to indicate that there is a history of your husband getting into belligerant confrontations with people that he labels assholes -- although you many times posted about the "wonderful" and "loving" group that the two of you gathered around you at your wedding (in contrast to the family members you consider assholes.)

    I'm trying to indicate that someone you knew well enough to invite to your wedding (even as the boyfriend of a friend) considered your husband to be a "rabid Jew hater." Your husband, frankly, comes off as a nut on his blog and it wouldn't

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  15. surprise me that someone would call him out as being so.

    Further, you come off as incredibly belligerant towards your family on your blog. Perhaps this is justified. Perhaps you have experienced a lifetime of abuse that continues to the present. On the other hand, perhaps you and your husband have in common a tendency to be irrationally belligerant and confrontational with a heavy dose of grievance thrown in.

    Just a thought.

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