So here's some outtakes from my livejournal in 2002. I was age 19-20, still living at home with my parents for most of the year (I moved out at the end of August and into a dorm, but my parents said I could only live there if I came home for every shabbas. So I did), but secretly not following much of judaism. Around this year was when I started not keeping shabbat when I was in my room and my parents couldn't see- so I would play computer games on saturday afternoon on my laptop with the volume turned off, and worked on papers when I needed to. But when I left my room I was the model jew. I ate out at non-kosher resturaunts, but didn't eat any non-kosher meat. I had sex with my boyfriend, who was outwardly an orthodox jew as well. We both sometimes ate vegetarian food at local diners. But on the other hand, i still pretty much assumed I would be orthodox the rest of my life.
So, most of the excerpts here deal with the kind of "double life" I had; secretly non religious, but to my parents, religious. These entries are as originally posted, although I am editing out people's names for privacy reasons. I do cringe at the immaturity of some of my writing at that time, but I'd want to present an accurate view of my thoughts at the time. A.= my boyfriend of that year.
"Hmm, this weekend, what did I do. Well, for shabbas I went to E.'s, and watched a bunch of movies. Saturday night I went to frat party, where I got pretty drunk ( on this red beer, that they called "punch") and ended up sleeping with A. on this tiny little fold out couch in N.'s dorm room. A. played beer pong. :) someone spilled like a pitcher of beer on my pants, so now they smell like beer pants (and can't wash them cause they don't exist according to my parents)"
"today. . . i cooked a bit. and watched a movie. and went to dunkin donuts for breakfast, as can not eat levened bread for the next 8 days. . damn passover.
will now have a three day holiday in which cannot use computer. cannot use postit notes either, but we shall ignore that distinction. then will possibly go to great adventures on sunday. possible. it is expensive you know, even if every jew in existance will be there. . . "
"So pesach pretty much sucked. although the first night i did drink an entire bottle of very dry red wine, all by myself. it was good. the seder goes so much faster when your drunk. . .
other then that i pretty much did research and sleeping the whole 3 day weekend. "
"I looked up all this stuff about University of Wisconsin at madison last night., It looks awesome, they actually run the survey of families and households from that soc department, and they have just about any speciality i can possibly want. and i looked up the jews in wisconsin, and there actually seems to be some. they have a chabad anyways, and a hillel at the school. and two kosher stores. so my dad said that this summer if i go with him to chicago we can check out uwisc and maybe northwestern too. "
toinght i went to the new shul (synagague) to hear megilat eicha (lamentations) because tonight and tommorow (just one day in jew time actually) is tisha ba'av (big fast day commemorating the destruction of the 2 temples). SO basically i can't eat from 8 this night to 9 tommorow night, for a total of aproximately 25 hours. woo.
so anyways, back to the new shul. it's in this run down room that used to be the russian shul. the paint is pealing, the air conditioning wasn't turned on early enough, so it was hot as hell, and the women's section was miniscule. but besides that, i really liked it. it's only a mile and a half away from me (clocked it) and less if i cut through by the train tracks (on pain of death) and when its cooler it should be much nicer to go to. and the people there weren't pretentous assholes such as the ones who go to [parent's shul], with the exception of my dad's friend s., who he brought with him. hopefully s. will not be there in the future though (mysogonystic jackass)."
"rosh hashana was pretty groovy. a. came over for dinner both nights, and on sunday we walked to tashlich (throwing our sins in the river) which was this big social scene."
"We had our first "cafe hillel" of the year, and this dude from my hebrew class who i had been harrasing actually showed up. after that we went wandering around the village looking for a bar that didn't card, and landed up back at johnny fox's two blocks away from the dorms. woke up friday with a hangover."
"he slept over in my dorm room on monday night, much to his later grumpiness as my bed is not even big anough for one person (it's like a foot across). "
"so yesterday me m. and e. went out to the holoween parade. we started off at 23rd, walked down to 15th, watched there for a bit (they had all these gouls and ghosts on sticks that were pretty damn cool) and then took the subway down to housten, where we watched some more (mostly people walking down there. then we tried to walk away from the parade, and we ended up very lost and walking west instead of east, until we found a chinese place and stopped there for some lovely sesame noodles. i dressed up as a bar wench, in a corset and chemise, and fishnets, and lots of cleavage. wednesday night i went briefly to the holloween party at the dorms, and then went to a bar with m. e. j.and a. (and e. and his friend came later). a. slept over"
"friday night is chanuka and sat night i'm going to my insane family in brooklyn, and then back to the dorms."
To be continued. 2003 was a pivotal year in my life for reasons that'll become clear in my next post. I have some real work to do right now, but after I'm done with that maybe i'll go through another year of posts and find relevent ones (that was a trip btw, going through all this stuff I wrote as a 19/20 year old, and events that I can't remember even though I was reading detailed descriptions of them written by myself)