Saturday, February 23, 2013

Letters composed in my head at 5am

Well it finally happened. My dad sent me an email last week saying he saw a couple of his cousins (who are both my Facebook friends so know I'm pregnant through that) and they asked how I was doing. So I wrote back and told him about how I'm doing- much better now that I'm not throwing up every morning anymore, although I've barely gained any weight because of said throwing up ( only abut 3 pounds so far) and then a bunch of other stuff just updating him on what's going on with my life. And he wrote back and one of the things he said was "so have you thought about if you are going to give the baby a Jewish name? A bris if it's a boy?"

Ahh the bris question. I'm surprised he managed to hold out until I was 18 weeks along. But like, seriously, what does he think the answer is going to be?

I haven't written back yet cause I'm not sure exactly how I want to say "no, most definitely no on both counts." But heres an email I composed in my head this morning at 5am when i couldn't sleep (finding it uncomfortable to sleep lately cause I can no longer sleep on my stomach, not supposed to sleep on my back because it can compress a major vein, and I dont like sleeping on my side, which is my only choice. Plus kicking waking me up).

Dear abba,

No we are not going to give our kid a Jewish name or a bris. I know you had the idea that when I got pregnant and had a child I would want to become more religious, since you've said as much, and otherwise why would you ask me that question when you already probably knew what the answer was? But I still am an atheist and dont want to be part of any religion, and am not planning on having any religious ceremonies for my child, whether a bris or a baptism.

I know this probably disappoints you, but I guess we both had unrealistic expectations of how me being pregnant might change things. You thought I might become more religious, and I thought mom might want to actually have a relationship with me, and maybe be excited about becoming a grandmother the way most normal people react to that kind of news. But instead she hasn't responded to either of the emails I sent her with pictures of ultrasounds, and I haven't heard from her since you put her on the phone when I called to tell you I was pregnant 3 months ago. I imagine she hasnt told any of her friends about becoming a grandmother (her mother certainly had no idea when I called to tell her) because she is still obsessed with how this might reflect on her image or whatever.

Why would I ever want my child to have any part of a religion that tells mothers to treat their children and grandchildren this way?

Abandoning Eden

Sunday, February 17, 2013

17 weeks 3 days

I definitely have a bump, although not so much that you would look at me and be like "Pregnant!" I don't think.  Especially since it's not a particularly smooth bump. Although maybe I'm just fooling myself there.  I'm wearing my loose /fat clothes to work from before I lost 30 pounds and lots of sweaters and jackets and stuff (Which I always do anyway) and I doubt my students suspect I am pregnant yet. My colleagues all know of course, they are throwing me a "surprise" baby shower this summer I hear.  I invited my dad and he said he and my mom would try to come if it's on a sunday afternoon.

Speaking of my mom I still haven't heard from her since I told her I was pregnant back in early December despite 2 emails I sent her with ultrasound pictures.  But after B's dad died, my dad sent him a really nice sympathy letter in the mail, saying he knows how hard it is to watch a loved one die of cancer. The most religious it got was he said "Facing a loved ones death is a sobering and contemplative event. For those who believe, it is comforting to think that their souls are at rest in heaven. For others, it is comforting to think that their pain and suffering have ended and they are at peace." And then he went on to say that on behalf of him and his wife (my mom) he wants to extend his condolences. I thought that was nice of him. I should probably send him an email at some point thanking him for the nice letter.

The baby has now had first and second trimester tests for downs syndrome and trisomy and spina bifida, and they all came back negative, yay!  Last week we had a regular checkup and my doctor gave me a small heart attack when it took her like 2 minutes to find the baby's heartbeat- but it turned out she was on the wrong side of my belly, and the heartbeat was fine, 162 (Down from 170 the first two times we heard the heartbeat, but perfectly within normal range).  I've started to be able to feel the baby move around in there which is freakin awesome.  I'm really enjoying being pregnant in a way I didn't think I's so cool to carry my baby around with my everywhere and be able to feel it before anyone else can. Of course the morning sickness sucked...I was terribly sick all of my first trimester, and threw up at least 1-3 times a day, usually in the middle of the night and felt nauseous all day long. When I hit 15 weeks I woke up and started feeling fantastic, and only threw up 1 time all of week 15. But then I threw up 3 days in a row in week 16. Haven't thrown up in week 17 yet, so I'm hoping my morning sickness is mostly gone.

In 2 weeks we have another ultrasound where they do a big anatomy scan and we find out the gender. I'm not sure if we're going to tell people though..if it's a girl I don't want to be bombarded with pink shit. If it's a boy I don't want it to get back to my parents (and since my parents I assume will be coming to my baby shower, and if I told anyone it would be my colleagues who are throwing the baby shower, then I'm guessing I couldn't keep it a secret from them if I told anyone else). I just don't want to even have to have a conversation with them about circumcision. It's just not going to happen, and I don't want to fight about it. But I guess they would find out eventually.  Once we know the gender hopefully we'll have an easier time narrowing down names.  We definitely have a first name picked out for a boy, and I think we are pretty close to consensus on a first name for a girl  (at least I know the name I like the most, not sure B is entirely sold on it) but so far our middle name choices have mostly been of the semi-ridiculous variety that I'm not sure either of us are serious about (like "Artemis" for a girl's middle name. I do love that name but it's a bit much probably...)

In gardening news I planted a new blueberry bush to replace the one that died last year, and also planted a blackberry bush for good measure. Not this summer, but next summer, I'm going going to have asparagus and blueberries and blackberries and a toddler to go outside and pick them with!  This weekend I also planted lettuce (3 kinds- romaine, mesclun mix and microgreen mix) and snap peas in my veggie garden, and have a whole bunch of garlic I planted at the end of last year that is still growing (it grows over the winter and matures in the late spring). I'm also going to start some basil inside soon, but not going to bother with late summer veggies this year like peppers and eggplants, since I'll have a newborn when I should be harvesting those. Should be able to harvest a few asparagus this year, but not more than a meal's worth probably. My lemon tree has been growing lemons since right around when I found out I was pregnant in November, but they are not full sized yet and none are mature- I think they take 6-8 months to mature so I might have some lemons a month or two before the baby comes.  I might also plant a pumpkin patch and perhaps some zucchini somewhere depending on how mobile I am in May when it's time to plant such things.

Soon I have to start thinking about registering for baby stuff and signing up for some kind of baby care/birthing class. But I'm going to worry about that stuff in March.  Next weekend we are going to the beach for 2 days- I have a conference right on the shore, and the hotel is dog friendly and right near a dog friendly beach, and since I'm driving I don't have to buy B a plane ticket (my job covers the hotel and gas), so B is coming with me and after the conference on Friday afternoon and then all day Saturday we're going to go to the beach. It'll be too cold to swim of course (although it's predicted to be in the mid Southern February!) but the beach is known for lots of interesting sea shells and shark teeth type things, so should be fun.