Friday, September 29, 2017

Dad said he would call so I emailed him back

Right before Rosh Hashana, two days after my brother's wedding, my dad emailed and was like "When is a good time to call?"  I just never responded.  He sent me an article link a week later, didn't respond.  Today he sent me an email saying "Happy yom kippur" and in the email it just said "I will call you this afternoon."

So I went and took the nuclear option and this is what I responded.  At first I considered just letting him call and telling him off on the phone (letting him call and just pretending everything is cool is not an option).  But I know I would end up flustered and crying on the phone or something, so I felt like on print I could say what I really meant.  It was mean, but whatever.  So was not coming to my brother's wedding.


Do not call me this afternoon.  I am too angry to talk to you right now. I spent all of D's wedding explaining to his wife and his mother in law and his friends why my parents weren't there. It was extremely painful and hurtful. It takes a lot of chutzpah to think I would welcome a call about your religious holiday while my brother is still on his honeymoon for the wedding you skipped because of your religion.  I do not want to talk to you about yom kippur. I do not celebrate yom kippur. I think your religion is wrong and has done nothing but hurt our family. I do not want to hear about religion from you ever again.  I'm not sure when I will be not angry enough to talk to you again, but it is not yet. 

Abandoning Eden."

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

My brother got married

My brother got married on Sunday, to a kick-ass woman, who happens to not be Jewish. My parents didn't come.  My daughter was the flower girl. About an hour before the wedding I sent my dad a picture of C and a message saying "there's still time to do the right thing." He wrote back "She looks cute, I am doing the right thing."

So here's a list of responses I've come up with, for the next time he asks if I want to skype him with C:

"To quote our former president "Fool me once, shame on you, fool can't get fooled again.""

"No thanks"

"Why don't you skype your rabbi?  You should probably double check that he'll take care of you when you're old"

"Sure, but C is only available to talk on Saturday mornings"

"Great, C is waiting for an explanation of why you weren't at her Uncle D's wedding" (To be honest, thankfully, she hasn't seen my parents in over a year- in part because they said they weren't coming to the wedding- and didn't ask about them at all at the wedding.  I don't think she realized they are related to Uncle D.  She did ask if her Uncle M would be there- which is B's sister's husband.  So clearly she's not clear on who is related to whom). 

"I'd rather not curse in front of my child so maybe we should hold off on that, indefinitely"

"[Basically the entire text from this post about evidence for Ezra writing the Torah]"

"So I'm wondering what exactly the jewish source of not attending your child's wedding is.  Or did you just pick that up from the handbook of shitty parenting?"

"Who dis?"

"Just wondering, what if you're wrong and there is no god, or no god who gives a crap about missing your kid's wedding, or even looks poorly upon it (since god is good and all) and you just alienated your kids and grandkids for nothing?"


ETA: Actually did get an email from him asking if I have time to talk briefly today so he can wish me a shana tova!  What fucking chutzpah!!  Here are two additional responses I've come up with (so far I've not replied at all, thinking of just ignoring it until tomorrow:

"I'm too mad to talk to you right now, and I certainly don't want to hear anything about your evil cult and its holidays."

""I don't have time to talk, I have a long day of work and then afterwards I'm going out for beers with friends to talk about my rough weekend explaining to all my brother's new relatives about how sad it is that my parents are part of a cult"(true story apart from the long day of work part).