I've been having some overwhelming feelings of impending doom over the past week or so, accompanied by anxiety dreams and early-rising insomnia (today, for instance, I woke up at 5:30am).
Partly the news of course, no one likes hearing about impending pandemic flues. Not that I'm worried that I'm going to die (unrealistic), but I don't want to get really sick right before my wedding. I know logically that my chances of infection are quite small (at this point), but the constant news bombardment about how this is THE END OF THE WORLD (tm) just brings up anxious feelings.
Also I'm flying to Detroit today for the Population Association of America conference (no I'm not presenting, so don't bother trying to google stalk me, crazy people...you know who you are).
Awesome thing: The conference is being held in the Renaissance Center which is the headquarters of GM. Quite an interesting place to visit given current events!
Not so awesome: The Detroit airport is a major hub for flights to Mexico.
Also, the motel I'm staying at has a bunch of reviews that mention prostitution. I mean, prostitutes are people too...but still, probably not the safest situation to put myself in. Thankfully one of my friends is staying at the same motel, and we have a deal to walk back from the conference hotel together at night so that I'm not walking back alone. Still worried about it though.
I also just get anxious in general when I travel to places I've never been before, but this is more than the usual amount of travel anxiety.
Other things making me anxious:
*B's dad was admitted to the hospital overnight last night for observation, and is now on blood thinners to break up a blood clot in his lung...very worried about him.
*Youngest brother has been making more contact lately...the one who said B would die within a year if we didn't break up or B converted. He's been sending me facebook and text messages, more so than usual. He just worries me in general, but increasing his level of contact right before the wedding? Not helping.
*Been having some problems with a person on my dissertation committee...nothing horrible, more like a personality clash, but I may have to replace him with someone else.
*The academic job market does NOT seem to be recovering for next year (when I will be needing a job), and now my adviser is seriously discussing the possibility of funding a postdoc for me with soft money. This would mean a lot of grant-writing over the next year, with no guarantee of getting any of these grants. Also, not sure I want to stay here for an extra year or two. Also, not sure I want to work with this adviser for an extra year or two. Why did the economy collapse just in time for me to graduate after 10 years of higher education?
*Our wedding is in 2 and a half weeks! So much still to do! (although my BFF has decided to come stay at our place for the week before the wedding, so yay for an extra person/car to help out!)
A lot (but not all) of this is wedding related. People keep asking me if I'm nervous about the wedding, and I am, but not the way they mean. I'm terrified that something horrible will happen between now and the wedding that will prevent us from getting married. We've been through so much together to get to this point, we've been engaged almost a year and have worked so much on planning this wedding- not to mention all the things I went through before I even met B- all the relationships that failed, all the endeavors that didn't work out my way. It seems almost impossible to me that I am lucky enough to have found such an awesome partner, and I get to marry him too!