Sunday, September 21, 2008

Older singles making aliyah?

What's up with all the single frum men and women in their late 20s making aliyah? It's always the same type of people...they are single, haven't been in a serious relationship in years (if ever), they most likely lived on the UWS when in the US, they never mention any particular connection to Israel, and then suddenly one day they decide to move there and 3 months later they are on a plane.

Of course there was a group of people who stayed is Israel for college and beyond after going to seminary for a year, but that happened fairly early on. Now, after years of only one person I know (at the most!) moving to Israel each year, suddenly there are 5-7 of them last year and this year.

Is it that the American jewish community isn't very welcoming to older jewish singles? Is it that they are desperate to get married and they think they will have a better chance in Israel? Do they hate their life in the US and think it will be better in Israel? Do they just want to start their life over with nobody who knows them, ,and for jews the only feasible place to do that is Israel? Or do they magically get the urge to move there one day in their late 20s, like the way you get schizophrenia in your early 20s after not showing signs of it you whole childhood?

Well I got some bad news my friends: wherever you go, there you are.

22 comments:

  1. "they never mention any particular connection to Israel"

    No particular connection to Israel? I've never met a Jew, even my athiest neighbor, who doesn't recognize the significance of Israel in her family history. She may not have a desire to make an aliyah, becuase her connection is tiny, but imagine the average orthodox (even if hardly frum) Jew, who probably took a tremendous amount of courses and held many discussions about the politics of the place?

    Surely they have a significant connection to the place, even if they happen to not mention it all the time.

    And there is no advice that can be better in meeting someone new than trying new means in finding someone.

    Most of these people have probably already tried internet dating, and have been to just about every shadchan. So what better thing to do than to move to Israel in hopes of meeting someone? And if what they say is true, and there is some sort of shidduch crisis (which I don't really buy), its just that since there are more singles now, then earlier (I think this is true, but out of choice) that would explain why MORE people are moving to Israel.

    Eitherway, Going to a different place can be a bit of a relaxation. May help you grow and start afresh, even if at the end of the day you're still you.

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  2. >Well I got some bad news my friends: wherever you go, there you are.

    true, but there is still the temptation that a different setting will change things for the better. Probably has it's roots in evolution. without it we'd still be in Africa.

    And yes, most Jews think that only Israel and New York are acceptable places to live. So if they are not satisfied with one, they will try the other if possible.

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  3. "Well I got some bad news my friends: wherever you go, there you are."

    Why is that bad?

    Anyway, I think you're right that people move there because they think that's the best place to meet a Nice Jewish Person to marry. There must be some significant emotional/spiritual attachment they feel as well.

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  4. >Why is that bad?

    it's bad if you uproot your life to move half way around the world only to find that your psychological issues still remain regardless of your new environment.

    AE, by the way, it's funny you post about this now, because an older single friend of mine just told me that he was moving to Israel to escape from NYC

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  5. Abandoning eden:

    From the post that you wrote before this one and erased, I got the impression that you are taken advantage of.

    You say you work up to 60 hours a week and still have no easy time to make ends meet.

    This would indicate to me that your employer takes advantage of you.

    Of course, you are on a PHD programme, so you invest some work "for free" in your PHD, and you are paid only for a small part of your work. Fair enough.

    But how come that you are the one who has to meet all the household expenses? Of course it is also worth while to invest into a partnership. Perhaps B. has a hard time now and it will be better in a few year's time and you will conclude that it was worth while...

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  6. frum skeptic- ok maybe they have a connection to israel cause every jew does or whatever, but there are some people who I am not surprised when they say they are going ot make aliyah...they have been talking about moving there for years, saving up money or finishing school before going, but leaving immediately after finishing college, etc. But lately there are all these people for whom it seems like the decision came totally out of the blue, and I'm surprised by it.

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  7. ha, yeah, taken advantage of by an ivy league university :) It'll be fine once I graduate and get a tenure track job...if I get a tenure track job.

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  8. Well, of course it's easier for Ivy League colleges to take advantage of people, since people will feel honored to study/teach there and will feel they make an investment into their future.

    But it's still taking advantage, in my view.

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  9. Israel is more laid back about everything. People there have more free time and use it socialize. People are not as crazy about making money. There, if you're not financially successful you are not necessarily a looser.

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  10. If one can't find a Jewish spouse in New York, the next logical solution would be another place with many Jews. This will give one a chance to meet new people.

    Where else would one move to meet other single Jews? Bangladesh? Zimbabwe? Moon?

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  11. Well, in Europe they always tell us to move to the US in order to find someone. So it's interesting that people in the US do not find either...

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  12. PS: I do not think that Israel is "more laid back". I find people there very stressed, quite nervous and ready to explode any minute...

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  13. One answer for the increased aliyah: Nefesh B'Nefesh

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  14. משנה מקום משנה מזל - M'Shaneh Makom, M'shaneh mazal (change your place, change your luck.) That old Jewish saying from the Talmud (Rosh Hashanah 17b) can be very true, but only if one approaches the move with the right perspective. And as much as I approve of aliyah, there's no magic solution waiting for people there who have emotional difficulty in other countries.

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  16. "One answer for the increased aliyah: Nefesh B'Nefesh"

    I agree with Dys. With Nefesh B'Nefesh, a person can pick up and move to Israel without feeling the economic strain. Nefesh B'Nefesh will put you up in an absorption center for the first 6 months of moving, give you money for rent, pay for your education, provide a free airlift of your posessions, pay your one-way ticket to Israel, help you find a job, AND pay for your education for a couple of years (whew!).

    So if you're Jewish and want to change your environment, Israel is practically screaming at you to "come on over!".

    A.E. - "wherever you go, there you are...
    ...And wherever you are, that is where you go"

    I think your environment helps define you. For people who don't feel at home in their own environment, why not move?

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  17. And yes, most Jews think that only Israel and New York are acceptable places to live

    Orthodox Jews, perhaps.

    But the majority of the American Jewish population lives *outside* the Tri-State area.

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  18. As someone who recently made aliyah, let me chime in here , . . .

    to the person who said that people are more laid back here, i agree 100%. people are not as materialistic in general as they are in the US. people here enjoy life and DO NOT live in fear of being blown up.

    regarding nefesh b'nefesh, someone said:
    "
    I agree with Dys. With Nefesh B'Nefesh, a person can pick up and move to Israel without feeling the economic strain. Nefesh B'Nefesh will put you up in an absorption center for the first 6 months of moving, give you money for rent, pay for your education, provide a free airlift of your posessions, pay your one-way ticket to Israel, help you find a job, AND pay for your education for a couple of years (whew!)."

    NBN does help strealine the process and give you some money, but not a ton (think a few grand IF you come with kids). rent subsidies to new olim come from the government not NBN. the free, one-way ticket is also from the government. They do not airlift any of your belongings. education is covered for all olim from the government.

    while NBN is a good organization, let's not overstate how much they actually do.

    in terms of this post in general, i think people make aliyah more now than in the past because it is easy to do. Israel is not a 3rd world country and there is a ton of opportunity here. unlike in the past, absorbing here is pretty easy and everyone can find their niche.

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  19. Thank you, Rich.

    I stand corrected. Nefesh B'Nefesh AND the state of israel.

    :)

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  20. Boats Sail On The Rivers

    (1)

    Boats sail on the rivers,

    And ships sail on the seas;

    But clouds that sail across the sky,

    Are prettier far than these.

    (2)

    There are bridges on the rivers,

    As pretty as you please;

    But the bow that bridges heaven,

    And overtops the trees,

    And builds a road from earth to sky,

    Is prettier far than these.

    -----by runescape gold

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  21. UGH WTF is this crap. blog spammers??? I got em on my blog too.

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  22. Well, seven years and three kids later, I have to say that making aliyah from the UWS, pretty suddenly, worked for me.

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