Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's day, peaceful life

Yesterday was mother's day and I sent my mom a text and she texted me back saying "thanks for remembering."  First time we've had contact on mother's day for years.

Mothers, man.  I can't tell you what a relief it is that me and my mom are on speaking terms again.  Having a mom that has rejected you sucks, it's like having a mother that's dead except you know she is out there, alive, still not talking to you and disapproving of you.  I went years without talking to her, during which I would still think about her and this situation with her every single day.  Even without talking to her for that whole time, I was still thinking about her all the time.

And it really was like having no mother or a dead parent for several years. She missed so many important things in my life. She missed my wedding, and the fun of wedding planning (although the first time I was engaged she completely took over wedding planning which I found very unfun, so maybe we were better off this way).  She missed me buying my first house, and going on my big interviews, and deciding what job I was going to take and where I was going to live (possibly for the rest of my life).  And I missed recipes and baby pictures and having someone to ask for advice about stupid things that you need moms for.

And I've noticed, since around new years when she came to visit me and B (and since which we've talked about once a month or once every 6 weeks on the phone).  I haven't been obsessing as much.  I haven't been thinking about her as much even.  Knowing that things are better between us just gives me a peace of mind I've been missing for a few years. 

It's nice.  Hopefully this lasts.  I worry that when I have kids, especially if one is a boy and we don't circumcise him (as we fully intend not to do if we ever have a boy) it will make everything crazy again.  The one thing this whole thing has taught me is that my parent's love can be withdrawn for years if they get crazy enough, so not to count on it.

But for now I have a stack full of childhood pictures, my old flute and flute notes/books, and my mom's chicken bbq recipe, none of which I would have gotten if I hadn't called my mom last thanksgiving.  So even if this fragile peace doesn't last, I still have that. :)


  1. The relationship can never be what either of you want, but I applaud you for reaching out first.

  2. Try to take it one step at a time and focus on the good that's now. It's impossible to say what their reactions will be when you have kids.

  3. Thanks for the post. I am in a similar situation with my mother (minus the yiddishkeit issues) that has been going on for two years, so I can relate the the daily, obssessive thoughts.

  4. Andrew, yeah, it's weird, I don't think I even noticed the fact that I was daily thinking about her/obsessing about this whole situation until after it was mostly open and I could NOT thing about it anymore. Mothers, aye? :)


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