B and I have read over your last message carefully, and given it full thought. The answer is no. B will not be converting to Judaism. We will be getting married on May 17th 2009, in the ceremony of our choosing. If you would like to lend us a chuppah to use during the ceremony so that we are incorporating some jewish traditions into our ceremony, we will be happy to exchange the vows we have written under one.
Your aims are not my aims. I do not want our children to have a religious identity. I'm not an atheist because I am lazy or I think religion is too hard, or I don't think it's a big deal. I think organized religion is wrong, and harmful, and I do not want to expose our children to that way of thinking. Having B convert would be a larger compromise than I am willing to make. And for what? Getting invited to a family reunion or two each year? Your stamp of your approval? Your love? If he converts, then what? Everything is hunky dory? We're just try to forget that your refused to even meet him for the past 2 years? That your love was conditional on him converting? That I wrote to you asking for a more honest and open relationship, and you replied by asking me to undertake an elaborate hoax so that you can save face in front of your family and your community?
If you feel that inviting us both to family events would be too much strain, and that you can't accept B into the family unless he converts, then that is your choice, and we will go our separate ways. How the other members of our extended family decides to treat us is up to them. If you ever decide to welcome B and me back into your life then I will happily try to forget the extremely disrespectful way in which you have treated us over the past few years, and will be happy to resume a relationship with you. We will also be happy to dress appropriately and keep the laws of kasharut, etc, for any time we are under your roof.
So what do ya'll think? I'm thinking I might leave out the middle paragraph. Then again, there's stuff in there that needs to be said, and maybe me always trying to not hurt his feelings is what led to this situation.