(Written December 9th, 2012)
My dad just called to wish me a happy chanukah. I told him how I've been reappointed after my third year review (meaning I have a guaranteed job until a year after I go up for tenure, and with the 1 year delay on my tenure clock I get due to having a baby, that means I have a job until 2018 at least), but I didn't tell him I was pregnant. In fact he flat out asked out the pregnancy thing was going and I super awkwardly was like "ehhh it's the same, whatever" basically flat out lying and saying I wasn't pregnant, and he was really insistent and asked a second time and I lied again! What the hell, who flat out asks someone if they are pregnant, isn't that like not socially acceptable to ask people?I wonder if my brother said something to him or something...(he said he didn't)
I don't know what's wrong with me. My first ultrasound is on Tuesday. I don't want to tell him until after the first ultrasound, and I don't even know when I will feel ok telling him. I don't want to deal with it. At least not yet. I'm only 7 weeks, and I still have a high risk of miscarriage, and I don't want to have to start dealing with my dad sending me emails about how religion is important to a kid's life, or pressuring me to get my kid circumcised, or whatever crazy/annoying thing he is bound to do at some point.
oh wow that must be pretty hard when u want to share and talk about something thats so excited to u and he is just not interested
ReplyDeletebut thats good just keep on talking it will open him up more
Funny I haven't told my folks I am pregnant either. I wonder if I'll make it all the way to the birth (1st week of june) without telling them. Something seems very messed up about this I don't know, but I just feel more comfortable this way. Of course, some relatives who live in the same town may see me, or my folks may just invite themselves for a surprise visit (they've been known to do that...) I can't figure why I am so resistant to telling them. Maybe I'll write a post about that.
ReplyDeleteI know (OTDers) who haven't told their parents they were pregnant until after the birth.
ReplyDeleteI am not so worried about my folks current reaction. They'll be happy he's a nice Jewish guy, although they might pressure me about when I'm going to get married, which I'm very ambivalent about.
ReplyDeleteI'm more worried about the baggage this brings up from the past, the cutoff threats, the attempts to control, specifically related to my past pregnancy (aborted). I just don't want to deal with these feelings at a really sensitive time in my life.
Anyway it's nice to hear I'm not the only one. I thought it was so messed up of me.
A part of me really wants my mother to be with me at the birth rubbing my back (I still have memories of mommy's back rubs in childhood when sick), but I'm afraid of whatever else I might have to deal with...