Talked with dad last night

After sending my dad a text message, he called me. We talked for a while about how his dad is driving him crazy with living at his house, Barkley stuff, etc. I also told him about the letter that Mom sent me- according to him he hadn't seen it, and my mom hadn't saved a copy. He didn't believe that she would have disowned me and was all "it was just her way of reaching out to you and keep in touch!" I told him it was SO NOT that type of letter, and offered to send it along as proof. Along with the letter I sent her. Apparently she didn't show my dad the letter, but she told him I really overreacted to her letter. Anyways, I'm not sure if it was cool of me to pass that on to him, cause she might not have wanted him to see it...but on the other hand, maybe my dad can talk some sense into her? Or something?

So I don't even know. My dad wrote back to my email and was all "I don't have time to read this tonight, but I printed it out and will let you know what I think in a few days."

And my conversation with my dad was actually kinda...nice. I talked about life, including stuff about B, and he talked about his life, and we actually talked to each other like normal adults. Unlike my mother, he hasn't said anything about cutting off our relationship if I marry B, and he seems to have accepted that we actually are getting married, and that there's nothing he can do to stop it. At least I'm taking it as such, since he didn't try to convince me to not marry B. It was maybe the first conversation we've had since I told him I was dating B that wasn't about him trying to convince me not to date B.

So I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed again, but I think my dad actually might be coming around a little, and I predict that after we get married he will probably meet B. My mother, I don't know. Even before sending me a big dramatic letter, she refused to mention anything having to do with B in conversation.

But my parents are separate people. I can have a relationship with my dad, but not my mom, even though they are still married. And my dad seems to want to still have a relationship with me- otherwise why would he have called in response to a text message?

Milestones going by...

Today is my parent's 29th wedding anniversary. I feel weird about not calling my mom on their anniversary, which is what I have usually done in the past. But I guess I can't exactly call her to say hi after that letter she sent me, since she's made it clear she doesn't want a relationship with me. Not that I think she would hang up on me. But I don't think she wants me to call.

Meh. Meanwhile I'm stuck at work cause I am STILL working on that paper I told my prof I needed an extra week for (last week). I should probably not be blogging right now.

ETA: 7:30, still in the office but down from 10 articles an hour ago to only 3 left to incorporate into the paper! I decided to send my dad a text message saying "Happy anniversary!" cause that's how I roll. Or something.

some wedding stuff

been mostly catching up on work-related work, but yesterday managed to work a bit on the wedding- we wrote the text for the invitation, wrote up a master list of addresses for the invitation labels, and I ordered a fancy corset sleeveless bra thing to wear under my dress, and also a necklace:

Work/life balance?

Sent an email to my adviser that I'm co-authoring a paper with...I was supposed to have a lit review drafted by tomorrow but have only read about half the articles and haven't started writing at all. So I sent her an email asking if we can delay our meeting until next week, and said something like "I had some personal family issues last week (not to get into too many gory details but my mother just disowned me for marrying someone not Jewish and I spent a few days wallowing in misery and not getting work done). I've read most of the articles, but I don't think I will be able to write up a good draft before tomorrow. Can we meet next week instead?"

Anyways, I feel really crappy about myself. Like I'm using my mom as an excuse for being a terrible procrastinator, and that I'm letting this prof down, that she's going to think I suck, and I'm unprofessional. She hasn't written back yet and I'm terrified she will say something like "you use excuse after excuse, clearly you don't want to work on this paper, co-authorship OVER." And why do I let my mom affect me so much anyways, it's not like I didn't see this coming?

But it is true..I spent like 3 days last week not working (much) and just being preoccupied with what I was going to write back to my mom, and as a result I spent all weekend catching up on other work that I let slide last week, and never worked on this paper at all until yesterday. And I worked all day yesterday and today, and after 10 hours in my office today, I just couldn't do it anymore.

I haven't had a day completely off (no work at all), including weekends, in at least a month. And my work load is just getting heavier, as I have several deadlines coming up- a conference presentation in late march that I've barely started the research for, another one in late April based on this project, a book review for 2 books I haven't read yet due to journal editors april 4th, and a book and a paper a week for my feminist theory course (that I refuse to drop because the prof just offered to try and help me get a press release for my latest article, in addition to how useful all this stuff is to my research). On top of wedding planning, dealing with a new dog, and attending the other really useful class I'm auditing (at least that doesn't have a lot of reading). ARGH! I'm barely getting by, and constantly feel guilty for slacking off whenever I take a minute to myself. And now I'm not getting by, since when actual life interfered I stopped working for 5 minutes and missed a deadline.

Meanwhile, why do I feel so horrible about myself when I show my adviser how not-perfect I actually am? Since sending that email I've been downright depressed. :(

Happy 3 months to my wedding day!

Exactly 3 months from today I will be walking down the aisle gathering in a circle with all my friends and exchanging vows with B!

Holy crap, that's really really soon.

Already done:
Venue Booked
Dress and shoes and veil thing and fancy strapless bra corset thing bought
food ordered
invitations designed (by quiet girl)
photographer chosen
Rings bought
Lots of candle holders and plates collected from the thrift store
tablesclothes borrowed from mother in law
painter booked
Save the date evite sent out
figured out vague outline of what we will do during the ceremony
started making a set list for my ipod
write text of invitation
necklace
gather people's addresses
sign contract with photographer
Buy stuff to decorate the candle holders/mason jars (ribbon maybe?) and get candles!
buy tablecloth clips
get clothes and shoes for B
buy stockings
buy labels
print out direction pages, make address labels
Make invitations
visit venue and scope out location to hold the ceremony (probably in the woods)
put invites together and send them out
get dress taken in (mid-march)
get haircut
buy some kind of makeup (eyeliner/lipstick will do probably)
finish collecting plates and candle holders from the thrift store
assemble centerpieces
get wedding license

still to do
wash all the plates/candle holders
Figure out how I will feed the two guests who keeps kosher
write vows
finish ipod music setlist
Cups/Drinks/Twine/extra forks/Garbage Bags/Broom/Extra food/Desserts/ice/tapestries (Week of wedding)

These are my awesome wedding shoes btw (I just got them):