Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Happy 3 months to my wedding day!

Exactly 3 months from today I will be walking down the aisle gathering in a circle with all my friends and exchanging vows with B!

Holy crap, that's really really soon.

Already done:
Venue Booked
Dress and shoes and veil thing and fancy strapless bra corset thing bought
food ordered
invitations designed (by quiet girl)
photographer chosen
Rings bought
Lots of candle holders and plates collected from the thrift store
tablesclothes borrowed from mother in law
painter booked
Save the date evite sent out
figured out vague outline of what we will do during the ceremony
started making a set list for my ipod
write text of invitation
gather people's addresses
sign contract with photographer
Buy stuff to decorate the candle holders/mason jars (ribbon maybe?) and get candles!
buy tablecloth clips
get clothes and shoes for B
buy stockings
buy labels
print out direction pages, make address labels
Make invitations
visit venue and scope out location to hold the ceremony (probably in the woods)
put invites together and send them out
get dress taken in (mid-march)
get haircut
buy some kind of makeup (eyeliner/lipstick will do probably)
finish collecting plates and candle holders from the thrift store
assemble centerpieces
get wedding license

still to do
wash all the plates/candle holders
Figure out how I will feed the two guests who keeps kosher
write vows
finish ipod music setlist
Cups/Drinks/Twine/extra forks/Garbage Bags/Broom/Extra food/Desserts/ice/tapestries (Week of wedding)

These are my awesome wedding shoes btw (I just got them):


  1. I've been lurking here for absolutely ages now (well, via Google Reader!) and I must say, I find your whole story absolutely fascinating. Possibly because the whole Jewish thing is so utterly outwith the realm of my experience, yet the relgious background thing is not - I have a presbyterian Christian background which luckily doesn't impact me negatively now, but oh my poor mother ... Anyway. Long story.

    Sorry, when I say your story is "fascinating", at the same time I'm so sorry about the breakdown in relationships that your family's lack of tolerance is causing. That sort of thing is just one more reason I loathe organised religion. Really, really loathe it.

    On a more happy note though, I'm getting married here in Scotland the very day before you are! I haven't got shoes yet, and LOVE the ones you've chosen. Hmmmm. Wonder if they sell in the UK?

    Anyway, just wanted to leave a note to say your writing is much appreciated, and to wish you all the best!

  2. (PS: As well as hating organised religion, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool atheist!)

  3. Lovely to hear from supportive readers, as always. And congrats on your wedding too!

    I bet you can find the same shoes in the UK..I got mine online (I found a place that had a good return policy). If you search for "Sofft veronica shoes" (sofft is the company and veronica is the style) I'm sure you can find a place that delivers to the UK :)

  4. Only supportive readers? Are courteous challengers welcome as well?

  5. as long as they are courteous I guess...

    All I ask is that you remember that behind all this writing and arguing is an actual person, who is going through a pretty rough time right now. And while I want to share my story so that other people in similar situations can read about it, I have no desire to debate my past life decisions or to be told that I'm a terrible person who is destroying the jewish people/my family/take your pick.

  6. OK. I guess then it's not a forum for debate - that's your perogative, to the extent that anyone has control over their blog. I will respect that.

    But please be aware that many of your statements cause considerable upset and profound pain to others, and I also believe that for a highly intelligent and rational person such as yourself, who has made such critical decisions based on that very rationality, some intellectual challenge should be appropriate.

    But I won't intrude.

    Hope things work out for the best, whatever that may truely be.

    Best wishes


  7. Well I have no problem with intellectual challenges, although I specifically try to avoid talking about intellectual debates related to judaism/atheism because I don't have the energy/desire to be constantly defending my way of life, and I've already made my decisions about how to live and am not going to change my mind, so debating about it seems pointless. Instead I've tried to focus on my actual lived experiences of going through this challenging moment in my life.

    I'm sorry if my statements are painful to you or anyone else. I did not anticipate that orthodox jews were going to read this blog and be insulted by it, it was aimed at an OTD crowd, and when I write I write with an OTD audience in mind. I wish everyone would stop seeing my life as a personal challenge to their beliefs! :)

  8. Sorry, I said I'd leave you alone, and I will, but I just must respond.

    You say:

    I've already made my decisions about how to live and am not going to change my mind

    I thought the whole point of your story was the triumph of rationality over unfounded religion. Saying "I'm not going to change my mind" is not the view of a thinking person. It's the view of a prejudiced, irrational person - the sort that you found amongst the religious.

    And it's not a question of offending the Orthodox (who shouldn't be reading this) It's not a personal thing at all. It's a question of sweeping assertions, distortions and inaccuracies. I am never offended by facts. I am always offended by untruths.

    You have made the most dramatic decisions possible, that has resulted unimaginable pain to you, not to mention other people. Please don't tell me that these decisions were based on emotions and prejudice, when I thought that they were based on your reflection on truth and logic in the world.

    I'm really sorry to have been a bit more agressive and, whilst I fundamentally disagree with you, and your story breaks my heart, I'm trying to feel your pain.

    I sincerely wish you whatever is best, and really won't bother you again.


  9. Painter? What's the painter going to do?
    I have almost the same shoes in black leather, without the flower on the side, they're from Mudd, I think. So, Croila may want to search on 'Mudd.'
    JM - why do you keep reading what AE writes, if it's so painful for you to do that?
    (Now, I'm going to get all kinds of crazies clicking over to my blog from yours. Never mind, I'll just bore them to death!)

  10. As a complete outsider here, I always reckon that if it's your blog, you can publish what you want as long as it's not downright defamation or lies about someone. I mean, it would be horrible to say "my teacher Mr and So and So in high school used to smell really bad and I hated his guts because he picked his nose all the time". That's personal, and just nasty.

    But voicing your views and opinions the way you do, isn't that what having a blog is for? If people don't like your views and opinions, they don't have to read your blog. There are zillions of other blogs out there. Just my opinion.

    I'm also curious what you've booked a painter for though - do tell! ;-)

    Ohhhh! The shoes! I have just found the exact same ones on a UK site! I am seriously tempted, let me tell you ... My dress is scarlet so I'm not going to go for matched shoes. Black would do the job nicely!

  11. the painter is a good friend of ours who does live abstract paintings during music shows (like he paints while the music plays and incorporates lyrics and stuff into the painting-check out his website, some of his stuff is really great). He's going to do kinda the same thing for our ceremony and paint in stuff we and other people say, and then we are probably going to have all the guests sign the back of the painting instead of a guest book :)

  12. I've also been lurking here for ages and like Croila find your story fascinating. I'm orthodox, but of the "Live and let live" variety.
    I married quite a while after my friends, and thus managed to avoid some of the mistakes they made while bringing up their children. I'm still learning. I also try and learn from my parents, but unlike you only have positive things to copy.
    My oldest son is 16 and it doesn't look like that he will be religious in the way we brought him up, but I look at it the following way. When the children are small they follow you with blind obedience, but once they reach bar mitzva age they start thinking for themselves. All you can do is guide them and hope they will live their life morally. You can't choose for them anymore, only be supportive.

    Whatever my son chooses, I will love him, will welcome him home, but will expect him to honor our way of life when he comes to visit.

    Intolerance hurts me, wherever it comes from. I'm sure you'll never do to your children what yours did to you.

    Put all your negative family feelings in a box in your memory, and lock it away where it can't bother you any more.

    And have a wonderful wedding.

  13. motherof4- good to hear someone from the other side! I think the way you are describing reacting to your son is great! There is definitely a point beyond which you don't have much control as a parent over your kids decisions, but my parents never got that memo and kept trying every way possible to try and make me religious (including everything from intellectual arguments to bribery to threatening to stop paying my tuition in college if I stopped coming home every shabbas, to now threatening to stop talking to me to get me to not marry B). Now that I'm financially independent they have way less control over me then they did as a teenager/college student, so have to go to greater and greater extremes to try to get their way (and even those extremes don't work anymore).

    I can't imagine what my relationship would be with my parents if they had reacted in a supportive way when I was a teenager and first having doubts, but it would definitely be a lot different than it is now!

  14. Damn, those are hot shoes! I love purple!


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