Sent an email to my adviser that I'm co-authoring a paper with...I was supposed to have a lit review drafted by tomorrow but have only read about half the articles and haven't started writing at all. So I sent her an email asking if we can delay our meeting until next week, and said something like "I had some personal family issues last week (not to get into too many gory details but my mother just disowned me for marrying someone not Jewish and I spent a few days wallowing in misery and not getting work done). I've read most of the articles, but I don't think I will be able to write up a good draft before tomorrow. Can we meet next week instead?"
Anyways, I feel really crappy about myself. Like I'm using my mom as an excuse for being a terrible procrastinator, and that I'm letting this prof down, that she's going to think I suck, and I'm unprofessional. She hasn't written back yet and I'm terrified she will say something like "you use excuse after excuse, clearly you don't want to work on this paper, co-authorship OVER." And why do I let my mom affect me so much anyways, it's not like I didn't see this coming?
But it is true..I spent like 3 days last week not working (much) and just being preoccupied with what I was going to write back to my mom, and as a result I spent all weekend catching up on other work that I let slide last week, and never worked on this paper at all until yesterday. And I worked all day yesterday and today, and after 10 hours in my office today, I just couldn't do it anymore.
I haven't had a day completely off (no work at all), including weekends, in at least a month. And my work load is just getting heavier, as I have several deadlines coming up- a conference presentation in late march that I've barely started the research for, another one in late April based on this project, a book review for 2 books I haven't read yet due to journal editors april 4th, and a book and a paper a week for my feminist theory course (that I refuse to drop because the prof just offered to try and help me get a press release for my latest article, in addition to how useful all this stuff is to my research). On top of wedding planning, dealing with a new dog, and attending the other really useful class I'm auditing (at least that doesn't have a lot of reading). ARGH! I'm barely getting by, and constantly feel guilty for slacking off whenever I take a minute to myself. And now I'm not getting by, since when actual life interfered I stopped working for 5 minutes and missed a deadline.
Meanwhile, why do I feel so horrible about myself when I show my adviser how not-perfect I actually am? Since sending that email I've been downright depressed. :(