I had B look over my letter, and he made some very helpful suggestions which I think makes the letter a lot more focused- for instance he suggested that I don't need to address everything she says in her letter, because while I can refute her specific points forever, that doesn't get MY points across. I think he was right, so I took most of that stuff out.
Anyways, I edited my previous post to reflect the letter I ended up actually sending to her. I don't expect a response, but I feel like I've finally let her know the way I really feel about how she has treated me since I told her I was not religious anymore (nearly 10 years ago), after building up resentment for years and years but never letting her know what I was thinking. And I feel really good about that.
That was a good letter, the best you could have done, under the circumstances. Now, don't get into an email exchange with her, if she writes back - but I don't think she's going to do that.
ReplyDeleteWell, there's no going back now. Be happy and comfortable with the decision you made.
That was a very good letter. I think you have handled this very well. :)
ReplyDeleteWell done. Now move on.
ReplyDeletehello AE,
ReplyDeleteI've wanted to write to you for some time. Your blog is very moving and involving. I am so excited for you, your future with B (and your new dog) and really look forward to hearing about your wedding!
I am a Jewish girl, a few years older than you, and am to marry my non-Jewish boyfriend in less than three months. My relationship with my family is very painful, although different to yours.
I just want to let you know how much I feel for you. In your situation with your family, you have shown extreme courage and compassion, I salute you. In your boundless love and happiness in your current life, I hope you continue to spread the joy you have now, long may it continue.
Very best wishes
F
Courage maybe. Not sure about the compassion, writing such a cruel letter to the mother who brought you up and has a different view from you about what's right.
ReplyDeleteI'm the cruel one? She's the one who said she can't have a relationship with ME because my views are different than hers. Or did you conveniently skip that part?
ReplyDeleteI am sure the letter is cathartic for you but I am not sure it will accomplish anything. I have been following your blog for a while and can read a lot of pain in your posts along with a search for meaning in your life.
ReplyDeleteAs previous posters have mentioned, you should find a counselor you trust and respect and spend some time with her. If for no other reasons then to make sure no issues which you can not see yourself are lurking beneath the surface. Better safe than sorry as you start your new life with B :)
Best of luck.
Cruel because
ReplyDelete"But I want to thank you as well....I still don't have a single regret about my decisions. Thank you for showing that to me"
is turning the knife more than necessary. Cruelty is whatever is more harsh than required.
How about cruel like "If you have children, they will be totally estranged from the rest of your relatives"
ReplyDeleteor like "It breaks my heart that I am not able to celebrate your upcoming marriage and that, if you choose to go through with it, it basically means the end of our relationship."
Seems unnecessary to me.
Is this really about "I said..." "she said...". Shouldn't you be above that?
ReplyDeleteIf it's cruel, it's cruel, whether she was cruel as well.