Monday, March 16, 2009

Email sent to my cousin

Dear Y,

Mazel tov! I'm honored to be invited to your wedding! Are you registered anywhere?

It's been a while since we've talked, so I wanted to fill you in on some things before letting you know if I can come to the wedding or not: I'm also engaged, and am getting married this May. We have been living together for about a year. My parents have reacted very badly to the fact that my fiance isn't Jewish, so we aren't on the best of terms right now, and my mother is not speaking to me.

I would very much like to come to your wedding and share in your special day. I don't want to cause a scene or anything with my parents, so if you like I can leave B (my fiance) at home, and come by myself. However, I would prefer that you don't seat me at the same table as my parents.

Another option would be that both me and B could come to the Chuppah, and leave before dinner.

Let me know what you would like me to do. Either way I will try my best to come to at least part of the wedding.

Abandoning Eden


  1. Stumbled onto your blog via Black Hockey Jesus and LOVE it. I have small issues with my beliefs vs. my family's beliefs as well (who really doesn't?). I didn't comment on the last post because I just didn't know what to suggest to you. I am not Jewish and have no clue as to the cultural graces. But this email sounds perfect to me. No matter what happens your cousin will know without a doubt that you truly cherish him and would like to be a part of his life. So there you go. If I were him I'd be grateful for your candor and grace.

  2. You defnitely took the high road on this one!
    As to why your parents 'get to keep your family and you don't'- I think your parents will get to keep the ones who think like they do - rigid, unforgiving, uncompromising - and you'll get to keep the ones - like your 1 brother - who think like you do - flexible, open-minded, etc.

  3. well this cousin dated a non Jewish girl for 3 years, and he went out of his way to get my email address and personally invite me to his wedding- so I think my parents don't get to keep him for themselves, even though they will be at the wedding.

  4. I would have worded it slightly differently but you got the point across in a nice way.

    You definitely took the high road.

  5. I think you put that across REALLY well. How long did it take to compose it? ;-) Well done! Now your cousin will know that things are sticky, yet you still care about him. Nice one!


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