Wednesday, June 25, 2008

the way too much information (TMI) dude

Part 2 of my summer series on crazy dudes I have gone out with.

Well this guy, I don't remember where I met him, some internet site, probably jdate. This was after I had moved out of NYC to go to grad school, and he was one of the first dates I went on in this new city. On the internets he seemed fairly normal, if not a bit boring. I met up with him at a local coffee shop. For the first half of the (short) date, he still seemed boring. In fact, I recall thinking to myself "wow this dude is so boring, no second date there." As it happens, there was no second date, but not because of how boring he was.

Now I have no problem with kinky dudes. Well, I may have some problems, based on personal experiences with an extremely kinky dude, but that's another story for another day. But I strongly believe there is just some information you should not share on a first date. Like anything having to do with sex. That's like 3rd or 4th date information. And extremely kinky sex stuff? That's for when you've been dating a month or two at least.

I mean, it's one thing if you are having one of those wonderfully long first dates where you totally connect and are just talking for hours and hours, and after several hours some mostly-vanilla sex related story slips out. But if you're on an hour long coffee first date? No siree. That's just TMI.

So this dude, about half an hour into the date, starts talking about his ex (Also not a subject for a first date). He starts telling me how he was really into tying up his ex, and taking pictures. And how once his ex broke her pelvis (he didn't explain the details there, or if he did I can't remember them). And he has pictures of her tied to a chair sucking him off, with a big pelvis cast thing. And he posted these pictures to the internet. And his ex wrote a letter to savage love about it! (Savage love is a sex columnist for those not in the know. It gets printed in the back of the village voice, and a bunch of other places). And Dan Savage (author of savage love) posted the question and the response in his column!!! TMI dude was so proud of the fact that his sex life had gotten onto the savage love column.

Anyways, this dude was not for me. I have no problem with many things. Really, I'm an open minded person! But posting naked tied up pictures of your broken pelvis ex girlfriend giving you a blow job, and then telling me this on the first date, is just waaaay too kinky for me.

Anyways, I just googled the savage love column he was referring to (I looked it up after the date as well), and here it is!

My boyfriend and I recently posted pictures of ourselves performing medium-to-very-kinky sexual acts on a porn Web site. This is the frst time we've left our faces unblurred. To access the site you must pay a yearly fee. Pictures stay up on the site for about a month before they're removed. Here's my question: What is the probability that, say, a boss, a little brother or a jealous ex-boyfriend with a purity complex will fnd these pictures? My boyfriend claims the chance is next to zero, but I want an unbiased expert opinion.
-- Settle Unsettling Bet

You probably should've sought out my unbiased expert opinion before you posted the pictures, SUB. I'll bet you anything you like that someone you know -- a family member, a coworker, your congressional delegation -- has already seen the pictures. Your boyfriend is full of shit. The pictures are on a pay site? They're only up for a month? Well, guess what: People download images from pay sites, post them on free Web sites and e-mail them to their friends. As a general rule, folks shouldn't put anything on the Internet that they don't want their bosses, parents, siblings, ex-boyfriends (with or without purity complexes), children, children's children or children's children's children to see.


  1. Sounds like a jerk who wanted to play sexual head games with you. He was probably trying to get you turned on so you would go to bed with him.

    Also, that may not even have been his girlfriend's letter. He might have seen it and made up a story that it was about him & his girlfriend.

    By the way, any picture of a woman naked or performing sexually has the potential to end up out there on the internet, no matter how much the woman trusts the guy. My advice to all women is NEVER allow yourself to be photographed in any way that you would not be willing to be seen in public.

    Another thought - maybe he knew he was pretty boring and this was his way of declaring "Look! I'm not so boring after all!"

  2. Oh child...
    I'm so glad you aren't going through the dating process any more.
    It made a good story, anyway.


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